X-Men First Class: Summary
  • Erik:*very sad life in concentration camp*
  • Nazi Kevin Bacon:*eats chocolate, shoots Erik's mother*
  • Erik:*screams in anguish*
  • LOGO MAKES U SHIT URSELF WITH EXCITEMENT
  • Erik:*Is now Michael Fassbender* im gonna fukcign KILL kevin bacon *continues to sit sexually on bed in damp bathrobe*
  • MEANWHILE
  • Charles:*seems to be perpetually slightly drunk, flirting*
  • Raven:*cockblocks, saving Charles from continued embarrassment*
  • Raven:fucking nerd
  • MEANWHILE
  • Moira MacTaggert:*strips down unnecessarily, exists in this movie unnecessarily*
  • Shaw:*no longer eating chocolate, no longer speaking german, still kevin bacon*
  • Emma Frost:*is a mutant queen*
  • Moira:o FUCK I better call that charles twink
  • iN ARGENTINA
  • Erik:*wears fedora, drinks beer, murders 3 people*
  • Erik:I'm so fucking badass
  • BACK IN ENGLAND, CHARLES DRINKS BEER SEXUALLY, CONTINUES TO BE SLIGHTLY DRUNK
  • Moira:heyo small mutant man we need u because plot
  • Charles:yea ok i'll leave my life and teaching job here at FUCKING OXFORD because plot
  • CIA men:pftt we don't trust this british guy with his tweed suit
  • Charles:you fUCKED UP
  • CIA men:tru
  • CHARLES, THE CIA, AND ERIK CONVERGE ON SHAW'S YACHT SIMULTANEOUSLY BECAUSE PLOT
  • Charles:there's a man, a hot man in the water *dives in like a thirsty hoe*
  • Erik:nice
  • Charles:nice
  • Erik:nice
  • Charles:nice
  • Raven:fucking nerds
  • LATER
  • CIA men:here's a facility and a young whippersnapper scientist for u
  • Hank:*is outed as a mutant*
  • Charles:it gets better
  • Hank:here is a very convenient early prototype of cerebro i just threw together in my spare time
  • Charles:*comments about his hair*
  • Erik:*checks out charles' butt ad infinitum*
  • CHARLES AND ERIK EMBARK ON AN EXTREMELY HOMOSEXUAL RECRUITMENT ROADTRIP, SET TO SOME FUNKY TUNES
  • Wolverine:go fuck yourselves
  • Erik:k
  • Charles:k
  • Erik:hey babe we have kids now, what do
  • Charles:i trust them, they'll be fine
  • Mutants:*break window, destroy statue*
  • Charles:ur fucking grounded
  • CHARLES, ERIK, AND MOIRA GO TO RUSSIA TO LOOK FOR SHAW BUT ONLY FIND EMMA FROST
  • Emma:yea Shaw is gonna start WWIII and it's 'president shaw' now btw
  • Erik:fUKC NO
  • Charles:calm ur mind babe, look at my cute fingerless gloves
  • Erik:no charles, no, this is TOO MCUH
  • SHAW BREAKS INTO THE CIA FACILITY AND KILLS DARWIN IN FRONT OF HIS GAY LOVER, HAVOK, BEFORE DISAPPEARING
  • Charles:this is the fuKCING END. come to my sick ass mansion children, papa will teach u
  • THE MUTANTS ARE TRAINED
  • Raven:hey erik let's fuck even though ur obvs into charles and i'm obvs into hank but hey this was in the script so let's fuck
  • Erik:i will accept but only under the guise of 'self acceptance' and bc it's in the script
  • *forced kiss*
  • Raven:*walks into kitchen naked*
  • Charles:oh LORD ABOVE CHRISST ALMIGHTY MY EYES OH RAVEN PLEASE COVER YOUR BODY
  • DISTRAUGHT FROM REJECTION, HANK ATTEMPTS TO CURE HIMSELF WITH AN AMATEUR SERUM HE CREATED AND DIDN'T APPEAR TO TEST. UNSURPRISINGLY IT GOES WRONG AND HANK BECOMES BEAST, BUT HE WAS ALSO //PREPARED FOR THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS// BECAUSE PLOT
  • Erik:*looks at charles* that twink...hes wearing tight jumpsuit *conceals boner*
  • Hank:ARE YOU READY TO FUCKING FLY????1?
  • EXTENDED BATTLE SEQUENCE WHERE ALL MUTANTS GET TO USE THEIR POWERS, DRAMATIC SOUNDTRACK
  • Erik:*boards Shaw's submarine* i fuckin got u now
  • Shaw:fuck
  • Erik:hey im just gonna take this rly convenient helmet u made that will keep my bf out of my head, thanks
  • Charles:hey FUCK you and FUCK the police
  • Erik:I'm....i'm gonna kill the humans for u bae
  • MOIRA BEGINS SHOOTING, AND ERIK //HAS// TO DEFLECT THE BULLET INEFFICIENTLY, PARALYZING HIS LOVER
  • Erik:*cradling his small lover*
  • Charles:*single tear* if you love soemthing, let it go
  • ERIK TELEPORTS AWAY WIT H HIS MINIONS
  • Charles:that fucker, he wasn't supposed to acTUALLY do that.
  • Moira:*kisses charles* *oh why the fuck did ths happen is was so forced and arbitrary but hey look NO HOMO IN THIS MOVIE NO HOMO SEE CHARLES AND ERIK ARE THE HETEROSTRAIGHT YES*
  • Erik:I'm magneto now. magnet-o
  • Matthew Vaughn:you're welcome, i have revitalized the entire franchise/fanbase

In the almost-last scene of X-Men: DoFP, Xavier sees into Logan’s mind and sees a totally different past from what he knows, right? And Logan says “Actually I’ll need a little help with history, Professor: everything after 1973” or something like that.

At which point I want Charles to murmur in horror “a past where Erik and I never married?” and then float over to Logan to take him gently by the forearm and say: “I have so much to tell you.”

And then he pulls out a whole bunch of painstakingly assembled scrapbooks, starting with a white glittery wedding album.

anonymous said:

(1/2) omg so idk if this is supposed to be a prompt, or if i just need to vent this idea somehow but consider erik lehnsherr, one of the biggest names in porn today. like he's won legit awards and he takes what he does very seriously and shamelessly, but his agent keeps bugging him about considering doing a scene with the enigmatic charles xavier, a relative newcomer to the business that's already made quite name for himself from the sound of it.

(2/2) grudgingly, erik finally agrees if only to stop all the buzz. but then he and charles actually meet on the day of the shoot, and well, things can only go uphill from here. i really love this because it could either be super smutty, super fluffy, or some odd combination of the two. oh my goodness, i can’t believe i’ve typed all that. thanks so much for reading through my 2am babbling i just had to get it out there. ;)

Omg whoa Anon! I would read the heck out of this fic! By relative newcomer do you mean a young!Charles? Is this going to be age difference fic? Young and nubile twink!Charles despoiled by a certified daddy? *o* 

Ugh but can you just imagine Erik as the Manuel Ferrera of that AU, winning AVN’s Best Male Performer more than anybody else in the history of ever and fiercely proud of it. Charles launched into his first-ever award from their collaboration. Could you just imagine the explosion of chemistry onscreen. The demand for more films once word gets out they’re dating irl. The increasing number of pseudo secretcam films because people (me) are voyeurs. The high quality of porn AND intimacy in their collaborations! If I were writing this, I’d tag it From Sex to Love to Even Better Sex. And no angst, just happy porn.

Feel free to message me again for 2am babbling, I’m loving what came out of it.

DEAD DASH

Reblog if you post/reblog any of the following

  • parks and rec
  • orange is the new black
  • LOTR/the hobbit
  • tim burton movies
  • divergent
  • X-men first class/days of future past
  • marvel in general
  • if you ship cherik
  • aaron johnson
  • chris pratt
  • kristen stewart
  • slam poetry
  • american horror story
  • james mcavoy
  • dogs/puppies
  • any cute animal really
  • percy jackson
  • YA books

I WILL ONLY BE CHECKING OUT BLOGS THAT REBLOG THIS, LIKES DON’T COUNT. You don’t have to follow me but it would be nice.

remember how i was a lil pissbaby piece of shit talking bout how hard it is to find good fics in the cherik fandom well yeah guess what

going through my bookmarked fics made me remember how much i fuCKING LOVE SOME OF THESE, HOLY SHIT, BURNING PASSIONATE LOVE FOR SUCH WONDERFUL FICS

sooo yeah it’s kind of a smallish fandom and there’s some bad fics out there as well BUT WHEN A FIC IS DONE RIGHT. HOLY SHIITTT. WE KICK FUCKING ASS GOD DAMN HECK YEAH

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