“I don’t need to do this Dean.” Sam said looking like he was going to throw up.
Are you kidding?” Dean said standing next to his brother “Everyone needs to do this.”
Sam tried to take a step back but found Dean’s arm stopping him “But it can wait…”
“No” Dean said pushing him back towards the Impala “Now.”
Sam looked at the car and then back to Dean, he actually felt like he was going to throw up “But dad…”
“Isn’t here.” Dean said tossing the keys up in the air. Sam’s eyes grew wide as they sailed upwards in slow motion. He took three swipes at them in vain as they fell to the ground between them. Dean looked at the keys and then back to Sam “Wow you suck.”
“Screw you.” Sam said turning around back towards where the motel laid several miles away. Dean had taken him out in the middle of nowhere to do this, which Sam thought was a horrible idea. He didn’t need to drive. Why? He had his dad and Dean and when he got older he would…he’d learn to fly or something. Driving? No thank you.
Dean scooped the keys and ran in front of Sam “Hold it short round.” Sam paused, glaring at his brother. Dean held up both hands as he said “Do you EVER want to score with a girl.” when Sam said nothing Dean added “Ever?”
Sam looked like he was ready to spit as he stood there shaking. Finally he grabbed the keys and turned around “Fine!”
Dean smirked as he jogged to the passenger side “Atta boy Sammy.”
Sam got into the driver’s seat, slamming the door behind him. Dean closed his looking over “Hey…first lesson. The car’s a woman, treat her like one.”
Sam looked over at him “What?”
“The car” he said passing a hand over the dashboard “She’s a lady, treat her like one.”
“Are you serious?” Sam asked, thinking this was just another of his brother’s legendary bouts of teasing. But he saw the seriousness in Dean’s eyes so he just nodded “Ok…lady.”
“You have to treat her with respect, caring…and above all else..” he said gesturing to the keys “…you have to show her who’s boss.”
Sam put the keys in the ignition “Dean, have you ever been with a real girl?”
Dean glared for a moment “Ok. This is an automatic, which means we won’t have to go into teaching you how to use a clutch. Which is good because you look like you’re about to ralph from just sitting there.”
Sam held on to the steering wheel with all his might, he did indeed look like he was about to lose what little lunch he had in his stomach “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
Dean shook his head “Look Sam, you need to learn to drive. I know how to drive. We have an afternoon to blow…so stop worrying about dad and pay attention.”
“This is a mistake.” Sam muttered under his breath.
“You were a mistake.” Dean muttered back as he leaned over “Ok look. You want to make sure it’s in park. That’s what the P here stands for.”
Sam looked over at him “I know what the letters mean.”
Dean stopped “Really? Ok hotshot, what’s the 2 stand for?”
Sam paused and looked a the gearshift and then back to Dean “It’s what you do second?”
Dean sighed “No retard, it’s second gear.”
“And that is?”
Dean paused “A gear you never use.” he said quickly “Now first, step on the brake.”
“We’re not moving.”
Dean paused “Do you want to do this or not?”
“I don’t.” Sam said leveling his gaze at Dean.
“Tough” Dean said “You always step on the brake when you start it.”
“Why?” Sam asked.
Dean gave him a withering stare “So the car won’t take off.”
“But it’s in park.” Sam countered.
“Parking brakes can fail.” Dean asked.
“Then wouldn’t we be moving?”
Dean growled “SHUT UP!” Sam actually jerked back in surprise. “You press down on the brake cause I fucking said to.” Sam looked at him for a long few seconds and then pressed down on the brake.
Dean let out a breath “Good. Now turn the car over.”
“With what?” Sam asked.
Dean blinked “The key.”
Sam looked at the key for a second “Oh you meant turn it on.”
Dean slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand “You. Are such a girl.” he said shaking his head slowly.
Sam made a face as he turned the key, and the car revved to life like a thing possessed.
Sam turned the key back.
Dean looked up at his brother “Why did you do that?”
Sam looked a little sheepishly “It made a sound.”
Dean’s eyes narrowed “It makes sounds Sam. It does that. It’s a car, not a mime.”
“But it’s loud.” Sam countered.
“Turn the key.” Dean said in a low voice.
Sam tried not to whine “I don’t want to.”
Dean looked now like he was ready to spit “Turn. The. Fucking. Key.”
Sam turned the key.
He tried not to wince as the power of the car vibrated around him. It reminded him of what a mother saberetooth tiger would sound like up close. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he looked at every single indicator on the dashboard. Once he had examined all of them, he started over again.
“It’s not a space shuttle bitch.” he said sighing “Now you have the brake down?”
Sam nodded, looking forward like someone had a gun to his back.
“Ok, now pull the shift in some and bring it down.”
Sam tried moving the gear shift but it wouldn’t budge. He tried again but still, it remained put. He looked over to Dean “It’s broke.”
Dean tried to keep his expression the same “Pull harder.”
“But I might break it.” Sam said.
“It isn’t made out of glass.”
Sam stopped “But you said it was a lady.”
Dean sighed and grabbed the gear shift “It’s a lady, not a little bitch.” and pulled the gear shift down into neutral.
Sam gasped as he felt the pressure on the brake increase and the car inched infinitesimally forward “Uh…Dean…”
“Ok” Dean said, hand still on the gear shift “The key is keep your foot on the brake.”
Sam nodded furiously.
“And you slip her into drive.” Dean said, clicking the gear downward. Sam felt the car strain against the brake, his foot dug down even harder.
Dean smirked “Calm down there tiger….she’s just ready to go. Now take your foot off of the brake…”
Sam shook his head no.
“Sam” Dean said “You have to take your foot off the brake.”
Sam’s head shook even more.
“Sammy” Dean growled and Sam now closed his eyes. Dean moved one leg over the center divider and began to kick at Sam’s leg.
Sammy’s eyes shot open “DEAN!” he screamed.
“Move your damn leg.” Dean said still kicking but his brother seemed cemented to the spot.
“DEAN STOP!” Sam cried, his hands gripping the wheel even tighter.
Finally Dean got a good shot at his knee and Sam’s foot came off the brake with a good shove.
And the car began to coast forward.
“FUCK!” Sam screamed as he brought his foot down hard on the brake.
Except it wasn’t the brake.
The car lept forward like it was a horse, Dean was thrown back against the seat as the car moved from 0 to fast in nothing flat. Sam’s eyes were like saucers as his scream got higher the faster they went. In the instinct to brake Sam’s foot had jammed down with all its might, and though if he had a conscious thought he might figure out he was hitting the gas instead of the brake…he might have let up. But all he knew was that the pedal made them stop, so he jammed down on the pedal as hard as he could.
The car began to pick up real speed now.
“SAM STOP!” Dean cried as he tried to sit up.
“I’M TRYING!!” Sam screamed as the world came rushing up at him in a blur.
“THAT’S THE GAS!!” Dean hollered, his voice becoming unnaturally high.
“DEAN!!” Sam screamed as he saw the end of the road coming up fast.
Dean finally made it over the dashboard and saw the end of the road and the fence proclaiming it as The End coming up fast. His eyes bugged out for a moment and then without thought he grabbed the gear shift and moved it up one. The engine sound went from a growl to a whine that made both boys wince. The speed began to slow as Dean pulled Sam out of the driver’s seat, halfway putting him in the back seat, half trading places with him. Sam’s foot came off the gas as Dean moved under his little brother’s body and slammed a foot down on the brake. He jerked the wheel to the right as the car skidded to a stop, smoke and squealing filling the cab of the car.
Sam might have been screaming like a girl, it was hard to tell for Dean since his mouth was wide open, a sound coming from it that sounded a lot more like wounded cat than a sound made by a human being. Both boys screamed as the car whipped around into a circle, finally coming to a halt, facing the other direction. Sam had one leg over the back of the seat, the other behind Dean’s back as he clutched the seat like a howler monkey.
Several seconds passed where the only noise was the hum of the engine and the labored breathing of the two terrified Winchesters. Finally Dean said in a controlled voice “Sam, get off the seat.”
Sam climbed down and poured himself into the passenger seat, he refused to look at Dean.
Dean shifted the car into park and sat there for several minutes.
“Well” Dean said adjusting the mirror “That proves that.”
Sam looked over “That I can’t drive?”
Dean looked over at him “No. That you will NEVER score with a girl.” He shifted in to drive and began to drive them home.
Sam looked out the window and mumbled “Jerk”