Back-Together

You know when you misplace a thing and can’t find it, whether it’s a book or childhood toy or an old leather jacket, and hours pass and you grow more and more desperate and you’re looking everywhere — in closets, under beds, behind couches, and at last, you find it. And you are ecstatic, overjoyed, the relief is palpable. But then, a surge of disappointment hits, followed by a wave of disenchantment, a dreadful realization that this something or other is not quite as wonderful as you remember it. You begin to grow weary and disillusioned, regretting all the time you wasted on reclaiming it, so you throw it aside, and eventually, you forget it ever existed. I am sorry I let this happen to us.
—  Beau Taplin || Misplaced belongings. 
6

I knew I was in love with him and I knew I loved him, and I knew he felt the same. What I didn’t know was how much we were both still holding back from eachother. You can be in love and it can work for a good while and it seems great. But then as they say, “shit gets real”. Getting over the 6 month hump. What is it? 6 months, then 1 year, then 5 years, then 10. I think. But ok we did that. 7 months in… but things were happening that required more trust, more effort and more vulnerability. Well we both wanted to stop fighting for different reasons. But the proof of our love for eachother, kicked in, and we mutually wanted to fix it. That was difference. In my other relationships, I never myself felt compelled to fight for a relationship. The relationship was cute and nice, but in the end it wasn’t something I wanted bad enough. And whenever I was ready to walk away, I was let go. Only for them to try to get me back, but by then it was too late. After both of us really thinking it was truly over, it caused us both to realize that it wasn’t. So now we’re back for round two, but with less walls, more openness, more honestly, and valuing each other in a whole new way. A major part of being in love, is learning how to surrender and knowing when to fight, and what to fight for. I believe I have a new definition of love.

You broke up with your ex for a reason. The nostalgia your probably feeling to get back with her is likely false or if you actually did have a lot of stuff worth smiling about, your fickle mind is conveniently ignoring all of the stuff that made you two end this thing in the first place. I know that we all like to believe that we are the miraculous exception to the rules about love and dating, but the truth is, you’re probably just going to break up again. I’m not saying that there were no qualities in your ex that you loved but let’s not pretend like a huge part of the appeal is familiarity. But don’t get yourself sucked into the idea that just because something is well-known means that it’s inherently better than other options (no I’m not saying that I’m the better option). After all, the butterflies of meeting someone new are pretty awesome too. Speaking personally, having been in one of those “let’s break up to make up several times” relationships, I can safely say that looking back on that crap is nothing short of humiliating. Save yourself while you can. You, along with your ex, are probably largely the same person, and all too ready to fall back into the emotional quicksand that was your previous relationship. The same arguments, the same personal flaws, the same fundamental incompatibility - they’re all likely waiting for the the two of you like spring-loaded bear traps, ready to drag you back into the exact same breakup you already went through. While it may seem daunting, to have to find someone with whom to start all over again and possibly end up crashing and burning like before, it also holds so much hope. There are uncharted paths of people with whom you don’t necessarily fight over everything, with whom things just click, with whom you can just be yourself and possibly not have to deal with a breakup of any kind. And even if you don’t meet the person of your dreams, at least you tried. You tried, and it didn’t involve sulking back to your ex for what you already know doesn’t work. YOU deserve better. You will find someone better. Have faith and be happy.