And now you are talking to yourself

We’ve all talked about the really bad coming-out responses here before. You know, the ones where you out yourself and people order you to go to a doctor, or ask you about your rape history, or tell you that that’s not a thing humans can be.

I want right now to talk about a different form of pushback: the person who goes “….okay? I don’t care.” Or “Why are you telling me this? I don’t care who you sleep with.” On the face of it, this seems like a way better response to get! A good one, even!

Except… not so much. Because in my experience, the people going “That’s fine, don’t care” are the ones who also become aggressively confused when I try to actually talk about my life from a perspective that’s informed by my asexuality.

I wrote a post for the Asexual Agenda! Check it out. 

Alright, I’ll make this as easy as possible. I’m not here to talk to you; the less I know about you, in fact, the better. I’m not here to hurt you, but cross me or put my life in danger, and I won’t hesitate to. At the same time, I’m not here to protect you. Act stupid and put yourself in danger? That’s your problem. Finally, I’m not here to stay, so don’t go crazy and get attached or paranoid or whatever. You all just happen to be convenient right now. Got it? Good.

4

"You’re very beautiful."
“Thank you. I like your hairs.”
“I like your hairs, too.”

anonymous asked:

Quincest posts travel and may end up being seen by Tegan and/or Sara. Taking part in it is an utter disgrace to the fandom, but mainly to Tegan and Sara. If you call yourself a fan of theirs, you are an absolute fiasco.

Hey Anon thanks for your feed back,here’s mine (I apologize for this jumbled response, it is 7 in the morning and I had to take off my gloves to answer this, and my brain is still asleep):

Original Quincest posts are 99% of the time tagged as quincest so that ONLY this group of people will enjoy the contents. Now of course you’re talking about those posts that circle around more and become more popular, and reach outside of our circle, but here’s the thing: if the post is very quincest heavy (commentary, manips, fan art) then people in the main fandom will maybe only click the like button and not reblog it, or not touch it at all with a 10 foot pole essentially staying away and preventing the post to go any further on their side.

Or the main fandom will delete delete our comments and let it pass as normal post from then on, since you guys claim that nothing is going on then it will only be seen as nothing more than a cute T&S post.

"But what about those post that have heavy quincest tones that get very popular!? Those Tegan and/or Sara will see them for sure!" Here’s how it can be fixed dear Anon: STOP REBLOGGING QUINCEST POSTS IF YOU DONT LIKE THEM! By doing this seemingly impossible task you will prevent the o so very loyal main fandom from seeing it and popularize it even more, and the chances of Tegan or Sara seeing it drop quiet a lot.

That unfortunately is only wishful thinking because what you guys actually do to “fix it” is this: OH MY GOD EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOURE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS QUINCEST HERE! I HATE IT, JUST LOOK AT IT! ITS SO GROSS!  LOOK AT HOW GROSS IT IS! YOU RANDOM FAN THERE LOOK AT THIS DISGUSTING THING! I WILL REBLOG IT TO STOP KT FROM REACHING FURTHER INTO THE MAIN FANDOM! THAT WILL TEACH THOSE SICK QUINCESTERS A LESSON!

IMO that’s not the best way for you guys to stop it, but you do you. Just like we will keep doing us. We might be different kind of fans, but we’re still fans none the less.

Sorry for the lengthiness I hope it shows up right because I’m on mobile!

#DearMe

Dear Me,
Starving yourself is not going to make people think you are beautiful. The only person who can judge your beauty is you. And trust me, you are beautiful.

Dear Me,
It’s OK to forgive yourself for letting him hurt you. Yeah, you were stupid but you can never heal if you won’t forgive yourself. You’ve forgiven him so why can’t you forgive yourself?

Dear Me,
Don’t be scared to be who you are. You will never see half of these people again anyways.

Dear Me,
It’s OK to be sad, and it’s also ok to talk to someone about it. You don’t have to feel this pain by yourself, there are people out there who love you and want to see you happy.

Dear Me,
Drink more water and less soda. You are literally killing yourself right now.

Dear Me,
It’s OK to take time for yourself. Take time to figure out what makes you happy and worry less about making others happy. It’s your life.

Dear Me,
Take a deep breath. The anxiety attacks get better. Tell Mommy, she will help.

Dear Me,
Stop thinking about death and focus on life. I know you would never purposefully hurt yourself but it is not healthy to obsess over death. Talk to Daddy.

Dear Me,
He isn’t worth it.

Dear Me,
HE is worth it, but you both need to grow up a lot so smile and let him go. He needs a friend right now and so do you, don’t push for stuff that neither of you are ready for. I’m still waiting to see how this plays out too.

Dear Me,
Don’t answer that text. The past is better off left in the past.

Dear Me,
That B- in College Algebra is not worth risking your sanity and health over.

Dear Me,
Sing more. Remember it used to make you so happy.

Dear Me,
It’s OK to cry. It wont fix everything but it will make you feel a little better in the long run.

Dear Me,
Just because they were your best friends in high school does not mean they have to be your best friends in college. If they do not build you up then they can only hold you down. Trust me, it’s time to let go.

Dear Me,
You are NOT just a drug addict’s daughter. You are NOT just a preacher’s daughter. You are Brooke. You are wonderful. You have your own mind and your own future to map out. Anyone who thinks differently is not worth your time

Dear Me,
God did not abandon you. He is there with you at all times. He knows what you are suffering though and He won’t let you go through it alone.

9

Dear me, im not going to lie, it’s going to be hard, your family will break before you & your friends will leave you without explanation, you’ll have no one around you to talk to you’ll isolate yourself, but on day you’ll be looking up that chicken nugget challenge and watch a video & it will lead you to find these amazing people who will change your life for the better, they’ll make you genuinely laugh and smile every now and then, a year of being very sad will pass and thats ok, you’ll do your best in school wen with everything happening and you’ll get okay grades and your mum will find a woman who will change your life & make your family happier, you may not see eye to eye sometimes but she makes your mum happy, they’ll get married & you’ll be brave enough to venture out of your comfort zone and meet the people who make you the happiest! you’ll meet amazing friends because of these people & those friends will be better than any one you’ve had before, you’ll meet them IRL and laugh and cry and you’ll get through the hard times, it takes a while but you’re getting there, your anxiety will get bad but you’ve got this & you’ll realise the reason it got bad is your college tutor so you’ll go to a new college with your new friends who you met because of these people & guess what? you WILL be happy…you are happy…and you have Marcus, Grace, Hannah, Chester & Miranda/Colleen to thank for that! don’t you dare not watch that chicken nugget challenge.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for overcoming social anxiety for someone who deals with bullying/being shunned?

Hey love!

Overcoming social anxiety is not really an easy and quick process. It is most definitely not something that’s easily done alone either. First, if you are being bullied or shunned right now, it is best if you tell someone, preferably an adult. Bullying and shunning are forms of harassment and all harassments should be reported. So please don’t keep quiet if you are a victim. Second, do you have a close friend? You can talk to your friend and work through certain things with her. It is easier to work through hardships if you have someone who can support and encourage you along the way. Third, trust yourself. I know that all of this makes it sound like it’s easy but in order to overcome the effects of bullying we must learn to trust ourselves enough to overpower the words of our bullies. 

Those are the first three steps you should take before you get anywhere with this. Why? Because they are the very steps that you need to begin to deal with the first line of problems. There are many layers and unless we deal with the cause of our problems we can spend forever managing the symptoms but never really fix them. So once you’ve done that try and pick out three problems that you want to work with in your social anxiety. Maybe you want to learn how to talk to people a little better, connect with people, and make new friends. Whatever those three problems are identify it and work on that. There are pools of research and informational articles out there for virtually any questions and problems you may have. 

Right now, I’ll go through some of the most basics of social anxiety. Distorted thinking. This is where you blame yourself for things that happen or you only see the negative in everything that’s happened. Here are 15 types of distorted thinking from the Eastern Washington University 

  1. Filtering: You take the negative details and magnify them, while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. A single detail may be picked out, and the whole event becomes colored by this detail. When you pull negative things out of context, isolated from all the good experiences around you, you make them larger and more awful than they really are.
  2. Polarized Thinking: The hallmark of this distortion is an insistence on dichotomous choices. Things are black or white, good or bad. You tend to perceive everything at the extremes, with very little room for a middle ground. The greatest danger in polarized thinking is its impact on how you judge yourself. For example-You have to be perfect or you’re a failure.
  3. Overgeneralization: You come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or piece of evidence. If something bad happens once, you expect it to happen over and over again. ‘Always’ and ‘never’ are cues that this style of thinking is being utilized. This distortion can lead to a restricted life, as you avoid future failures based on the single incident or event.
  4. Mind Reading: Without their saying so, you know what people are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, you are able to divine how people are feeling toward you. Mind reading depends on a process called projection. You imagine that people feel the same way you do and react to things the same way you do. Therefore, you don’t watch or listen carefully enough to notice that they are actually different. Mind readers jump to conclusions that are true for them, without checking whether they are true for the other person.
  5. Catastrophizing: You expect disaster. You notice or hear about a problem and start “what if’s.” What if that happens to me? What if tragedy strikes? There are no limits to a really fertile catastrophic imagination. An underlying catalyst for this style of thinking is that you do not trust in yourself and your capacity to adapt to change.
  6. Personalization: This is the tendency to relate everything around you to yourself. For example, thinking that everything people do or say is some kind of reaction to you. You also compare yourself to others, trying to determine who’s smarter, better looking, etc. The underlying assumption is that your worth is in question. You are therefore continually forced to test your value as a person by measuring yourself against others. If you come out better, you get a moment’s relief. If you come up short, you feel diminished. The basic thinking error is that you interpret each experience, each conversation, each look as a clue to your worth and value.
  7. Control Fallacies: There are two ways you can distort your sense of power and control. If you feel externally controlled, you see yourself as helpless, a victim of fate. The fallacy of internal control has you responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you. Feeling externally controlled keeps you stuck. You don’t believe you can really affect the basic shape of your life, let alone make any difference in the world. The truth of the matter is that we are constantly making decisions, and that every decision affects our lives. On the other hand, the fallacy of internal control leaves you exhausted as you attempt to fill the needs of everyone around you, and feel responsible in doing so (and guilty when you cannot).
  8. Fallacy of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think you know what’s fair, but other people won’t agree with you. Fairness is so conveniently defined, so temptingly self-serving, that each person gets locked into his or her own point of view. It is tempting to make assumptions about how things would change if people were only fair or really valued you. But the other person hardly ever sees it that way, and you end up causing yourself a lot of pain and an ever-growing resentment.
  9. Blaming: You hold other people responsible for your pain, or take the other tack and blame yourself for every problem. Blaming often involves making someone else responsible for choices and decisions that are actually our own responsibility. In blame systems, you deny your right (and responsibility) to assert your needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want.
  10. Shoulds: You have a list of ironclad rules about how you and other people should act. People who break the rules anger you, and you feel guilty if you violate the rules. The rules are right and indisputable and, as a result, you are often in the position of judging and finding fault (in yourself and in others). Cue words indicating the presence of this distortion are should, ought, and must.
  11. Emotional Reasoning: You believe that what you feel must be true-automatically. If you feel stupid or boring, then you must be stupid and boring. If you feel guilty, then you must have done something wrong. The problem with emotional reasoning is that our emotions interact and correlate with our thinking process. Therefore, if you have distorted thoughts and beliefs, your emotions will reflect these distortions.
  12. Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. The truth is the only person you can really control or have much hope of changing is yourself. The underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of large and small choices you make in your life.
  13. Global Labeling: You generalize one or two qualities (in yourself or others) into a negative global judgment. Global labeling ignores all contrary evidence, creating a view of the world that can be stereotyped and one-dimensional. Labeling yourself can have a negative and insidious impact upon your self-esteem; while labeling others can lead to snap-judgments, relationship problems, and prejudice.
  14. Being Right: You feel continually on trial to prove that your opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and you will go to any length to demonstrate your rightness. Having to be ‘right’ often makes you hard of hearing. You aren’t interested in the possible veracity of a differing opinion, only in defending your own. Being right becomes more important than an honest and caring relationship.
  15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy: You expect all your sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if there were someone keeping score. You fell bitter when the reward doesn’t come as expected. The problem is that while you are always doing the ‘right thing,’ if your heart really isn’t in it, you are physically and emotionally depleting yourself.

Wow, isn’t that a long list? But these are the types of thinking that we experience when we have social anxiety or any anxiety in general. However, there is a way to overcome this. It takes practice but there is.

First, identify your distorted thinking. In order to fix our way of thinking we have to know how we’re thinking first. Figure out how you usually think if a certain event happen. Do you tend to over-generalise everything? A good example of this is if someone once told you that you looked stupid talking, you may pin that on everyone and assume that everyone thinks that. You will over-generalise. This is mostly characterise by the “everyone” do this and that kind of thinking. 

Second, be realistic. Try and think about the evidences or the support there is to show that you’re right. Do you have any reason to think that people are going to think this? Why do you think they’ll think that? I mean we can worry about anything. i could say that everyone thinks I’m going to die in the next minute but that doesn’t make what they’re thinking true and in fact it doesn’t make me right either. Because i don’t know what they’re thinking. So try and be realistic. Whatever you’re thinking, ask yourself why. Why do you think that? It may help you see and actually answer some of your anxieties too. 

Third, try the best friend method. It’s easy to criticise ourselves but would you say this to your best friend? It’s easy to tell ourselves that we’re losers and that we’re not needed or anything but we know better than anyone that it’s not entirely true in the eyes of others. What i’ve always lived by the idea of treating yourself as your best friend. 

-Kelly

anonymous asked:

You talk so much about everyone's beautiful but you don't understand what it's like to not be because you're perfect

I’ve been getting a lot of this lately. And I’m going to be honest with you about this.

What you are saying right now is part of the problem. People believe that people that look different then them have it better, but it’s not true. Everyone has insecurities. Everyone struggles. Everyone has pain. When we start telling each other that our pain is worse or that they will never understand, it’s blocking out a lot of conversation that needs to happen to make people realize we are all equal!

I have acne. I have rolls. I’m flat as fuck. I have hair covering my entire body. I struggle with depression and anxiety and feeling inadequate just like everyone else. No, I’m not perfect. I understand that I have more of the “media” look. I’m skinny, I have long hair, I have a pretty face. But just because the media pushes that on us doesn’t mean that’s what everyone thinks is beautiful. People tell me all the time, I’m too skinny, I’m too flat, I’d be hotter with a bigger ass or blonde hair or whatever. Everyone is attracted to different things, and if you realize that you’re beautiful as the person you are, other people are going to realize it too.

Whether you’re a twig or curvy, dark or light, tall or short, weak or toned.. EVERYONE is beautiful, and EVERYONE often feels like they’re not.

FREE BROWNIES IN THE COMMONS

if only you’d stayed
around for a while
you’d have witnessed
my growth;
i’m not afraid anymore
okay
maybe a little bit
but i’d go out
with you and
hold your hand,
no hesitations.  

You said you’d never get
involved
with someone as immature
as me
but I was just figuring things out
and you were so sure
about yourself.

I couldn’t be who you wanted
and I couldn’t look in the mirror
without fearing i’d disappear;
now my skin’s permanent
and I don’t hide
behind my mother’s
beliefs
I’m reborn now
and shit
but I see why you’d want
to leave me alone; 
i’m still unstable
and my palms are always
hella sweaty,
I still talk with my mouth full
and I don’t let you get a word
in cause i’m afraid you’ll end us
forever
but if you want to hang out sometime
please just let me know.

jinglejongle replied to your photo:guys pls we’re clearly not talking about the same…

I’ve heard you talk I’ve heard you and Alex calling eachother nerds I’ve heard you sing I’ve heard you sYNCHRONIZING ovER THAT MONOPOLY VIDEo FU CK AnD DONt U GET ME STARTED ON DAT STRIFEPARVTHING WtF I really don’t get how you can not like yourself

AH HALLOW, THIS ISH WILL STRIFE, AND TODAY ON, SHTRIFE SOLUSHUNS I’M GONNA TEACH YOU WHY YOU’RE AAAALL SHTOOPID

why would you say that i’m going to recite the whole thing now gdi - i’m just a big embarrassing nerd! Also the Monopoly sketch gives me life and I know every word

anonymous asked:

I think im gender fluid, I'm currently a female but I'm seriously debating get a sex change surgery, but I don't know where to start, not necessarily on the surgery but on the transition or just anything, any advice I'm just really confused, and you guys seemed like people who could help,

Well, the best advice I can give you for now is to just present yourself in the way you feel comfortable and talk to a counselor about it, they’ll be able to tell you a lot more than we would. Whatever you’re feeling is completely valid and we support you one hundred percent. — Misftireindeer

Your life is so important. You are beautiful and worth so much. I’m sorry you are going through struggles but just remember that you can get through them because they are temporary. There is nothing that we can’t get through. Believe in yourself. Focus on hobbies and what makes you happy. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist. They can really help. You deserve this life, and although it’s hard now, keep believing in those better days because I promise they will come. 

Thank you baby <3 this goes to all the people struggling with depression or anorexia or any mental illness, stay strong x

anonymous asked:

Why did you delete all of those asks about Cim and how she treated you badly?

Ok. 

Who are you and why are you so obsessed with the relationship I had with cim? I’ve gotten asks about cim since summer.

I haven’t had any contact with her since we broke up. I’ve literally had NOTHING to do with her since 2012. We’re in fucking 2015 now. I’ve moved on, she’s moved on. We’ve both moved on to different relationships, different lives and so on. How many times do I need to say this?

I thought by trying to explain some things you’d leave me the fuck alone but appearantly not. I have no clue who you are or why you are so interested in a relationship I had with someone three years ago unless you are cim yourself or someone VERY obsessed with her.
I would advise you to contact me off-anon and talk to me. I want to know who you are and why you want all this information, because honestly it’s getting provocating that someone keeps asking me about something that happened THREE YEARS AGO. Some of the asks I’ve gotten about cim even sounded like you want me to rant about “how much I hate her” just so you can attack me or something, which I do not. I do not hate cim, I have no feelings or anything left whatsoever. I’m 21 and grown up. If Cim chose to write to me just to see how I was doing or greeted me at a con I’d just greet her back like nothing. What angers me is not her, it’s you anon. Invading me like this constantly for some weird reason. I have seriously no clue. I could’ve just chosen to ignore all the asks and not say a thing of course but I felt like some things needed to be explained but that wasn’t enough for you.

If you do choose to contact me I will not publish the messages.

Now stop the cim-asks, or I will contact her and ask her if she has gotten anons like this too. 

Seriously, you guys act like cim was my only relationship I’ve ever had.

And btw I didn’t delete the asks I just didn’t tag them.

My thoughts on choice.

Growing up my mother has always told me that your sexuality is a choice (and straight was the proper choice) as I have been exploring my sexuality and figuring out who I am as a person, I have a few thoughts on this. I think that you do not just wake up one day and say, “yup, I like my same gender now”. It is something that you are born feeling and as you get older you just start to figure it out. However, you can choose to deny yourself something as long as you want. I could go my whole like only dating boys and only talking to boys and not let myself talk to girls or date girls, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that I find girls attractive. It was not my choice to like girls, but I will not deny myself a chance at love because it is the “normal” thing to be straight.

Next time you get jealous over something nice happening to someone, ask yourself if you know what’s going on in their life. That one nice thing might be the ONLY good thing happening for them right now and you’re trying to shit all over it. So yeah, they may talk about it a bit. Suck it up. Would you rather they sit and moan about all the bad stuff going on? How about being a decent human being and letting someone enjoy a pleasant moment for once.

8

It’s beautiful. Life is beautiful. Life is challenging and throws many fucking obstacles at you, but it is beautiful. Never forget that.