2

HURRY UP WITH MY DAMN CROISSANTS: a mix for the alexander the great you wished you’d studied. [ L I S T E N ]

                     'SUCK MY DICK.' - alexander iii of macedon, circa 331 b.c.

                                                       356 - 338 b.c.

I.   the creepiest ten year old in history
                   WHEN I GROW UP - the pussycat dolls

II.   the mother of all oedipus complexes
                   NO ANGELS - bastille ft ella

III.   subtlety didn’t exist in ancient greece
                   NO HOMO - the lonely island

IV.   please calm down
                   HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW - the heavy

V.   teenage tantrum in the form of potential civil war
                   THREW IT ON THE GROUND - the lonely island

VI.  classical edition backstreet boys
                   CLIQUE - kanye west ft. jay z

VII.   belated sexual awakening
                   I KISSED A BOY (COVER) - cobra starship

VIII.  oops i killed my dad
                   MOVE BITCH (HEDEGAARD REMIX) - ludacris
                                     

                                                       
                                                       336 - 330 b.c.

IX.   please try to act like you’re sorry your dad’s dead
                   SURVIVOR - beyonce

X.   this is imperialism, and it’s not cool
                   PRIMADONNA - marina and the diamonds
                   
XI.  literally no one else thinks this is a good idea
                   I’M ON A BOAT - the lonely island
                   
XII.  seriously, calm down
                   TURN DOWN FOR WHAT - dj snake & lil’ jon
                   
XIII. this is going to catastrophically affect the known world
                   I CAN DO ANYTHING - 3oh!3
                   
XIV.  you culturally appropriative asshole
                   PRETTY FLY FOR A WHITE GUY (COVER) - vitamin string quartet 

                                                       
                                                       329 - 323 b.c.

XV.  cutting off the heads of existing friends won’t make you new friends
                   HEADS WILL ROLL - yeah yeah yeahs

XVI.  seriously, CHILL
                   I AM A GOD - kanye west

XVII.  you’re a fucking embarrassment
                   BITCH - the plasticines 

XVIII.  lying on a corpse crying for three days 
                   I’M NOT CRYING - flight of the concords

XVIV.  the drinking problem that changed the course of history
                   A LITTLE PARTY NEVER KILLED NOBODY - fergie

XX.  this went about as well as could be expected
                   DIE YOUNG - ke$ha

Reading the iliad is so crazy because like alexander the great was reading this story over 2000 years ago?? he probably wrote fanfiction about achilles and patroclus and told hephaestion his headcanons?? life is absurd

Reading about Alexander the Great is so much more fun if you add ‘no homo’ to the end of his gayest exploits:

  • "yo, hephaestion, you know who was totally rad? achilles. i’m gonna constantly publicly compare myself to him, so you should totally do the same with his bud patroclus! i mean, some of the greatest minds of our time have written about how they were totally doin’ it, but no homo!"
  • "heey, hephaestion! ya know how we were talking about good ol’ achilles and his boy patroclus? well how ‘bout we take a detour to troy to pay tribute at their tombs and then maybe we can oil each other up and run naked down a beach ha ha no homo!"
  • "the dorians? oh yeah, us macedonians are definitely related to the dorians. a lot of greeks credit the dorians with introducing man-on-man sex to greece, it was a behavior that was even expected of their ruling class … no homo."
  • "hey, bagoas, nice dancing. you know what wouldn’t be gay? if we made out. right here. everyone wants it. come on, bro, no homo."
  • "what’s that?" "oh nothing, hephaestion. just a letter from that delightful fellow we met living in a barrel, diogenes of sinope. it’s really nothing … here’s something about me ‘yielding’ to your thighs … uh, no homo …"
  • "hey, hephaestion, let’s get married together! no homo!"
  • "yo, hephaestion, you know what totally wouldn’t be gay? if you died and i wept over your corpse for a day straight until i had to be dragged away and maybe i wouldn’t eat for a whole two days cause i was too busy sobbing and then i spent anywhere from 10,000 to 12,000 talents, which is like a billion dollars, on funerary shit and i could extinguish that sacred flame that’s only supposed to be extinguished upon the death of the great king but whatever i mean you too are alexander and i could try to get you deified and then maybe the grief caused by your death could contribute to my declining mental and physical health over the next eight months until i also died ha ha NO HOMO!”
2

ANCIENT HISTORY MEME | (1/7) WOMEN: Thaïs

Thaïs (Greek: Θαΐς) was a famous Greek hetaera who lived during the time of Alexander the Great and accompanied him on his campaigns. She is most famous for instigating the burning of Persepolis. At the time, Thaïs was the lover of Ptolemy I Soter, one of Alexander’s generals. It has been suggested that she may also have been Alexander’s lover, on the basis of Athenaeus’s statement that Alexander liked to “keep Thais with him”, but this may simply mean he enjoyed her company. She is said to have been very witty and entertaining. Athenaeus also says that after Alexander’s death Ptolemy married Thaïs, who bore him three children.

Alexander the Great Virtual Museum to be Completed End of 2015

The virtual museum for Alexander the Great, which through the internet will present the personality and the legacy of the Macedonian king to the whole world, is expected to be completed at the end of 2015, archaeologist, head of the Imathia Antiquities Ephorate and initiator of the project Angeliki Kottaridou said at an event held at Ianos bookstore.

A five-hour documentary, seven thematic units, 304 objects which will serve as a starting point to unfold aspects of the Hellenistic world and 3,500 texts make up the virtual museum that will run through the centuries, from the beginning of Macedonia until the modern time references to Alexander the Great. Read more.