i hate cod

espically when i was trying to have a goodass convo with you. really now? ugh wtf is wrong with you. i thought it was good until you make things hella obvious that you were playing cod. ughh. idek. and then you jjust started randomly cussing me out and shit? tf is wrong with you. just looking back at these posts. daayum. hella anger.i hella forgot about that. omg but whatever. i still love you. haha im hella bipolar. shit im on mY PERIOD. moood swings nigga!

It's strange.

I know nobody will end up reading this, but it doesn’t really matter. I’m feeling happy, and that feeling had disappeared from my emotions for quite a while. So feeling happy, isn’t something I’m used to anymore. 

   He’s changed my way of thinking, and he’s made me realize that I shouldn’t be worrying about my future, or my past; but in the present. Sure, iv’e been told that many times in my life, but he’s the only one that’s actually gotten me into that mindset.

  He gives me all the space in the world, and it feels good to be trusted that way. It’s something I’ve never felt before. I’ve had my past with my mom, and he doesn’t look at me any differently because of it. At first, I was scared because he came from a very good family. And his childhood wasn’t as bad as mine. I was ashamed, and I thought that I would be looked at differently. I thought he would “feel bad for me”. I hate when people feel bad. It makes me feel inferior to others. But he’s never said or done anything to make me feel that way.

  He’s a very blunt person, as am I. And with others, I’ve been scared to be blunt. Because some people can’t handle the way I am about things. But he understands. If I’m mad at him, and tell him “i’ll talk to you whenever I calm down”, he gives me my space. Other guys, won’t hop off and annoy you until you’ve had enough and you explode the truth out. He let’s me express myself, whenever or how ever I want.

  I’m the type of person that observes every little thing about a person, and I figure them out in no time. But with him, I’ve never been able to figure him out. It’s so hard to. And it’s nothing bad. Because I learn more and more about him everyday. Everytime we hangout I still get nervous before, I think about what to say, and I still get nervous around him. It’s like the first time we see each other.

  We’re so awkward, in the most perfect ways. When we hangout, there are times that I have no idea what to say, and neither does he. But I like it. All those thoughts running through my head, all the “what do i say next?!!?”. It makes me feel like the girl on her first date with her dream guy.

   I never really thought relationships would ever be that good. I never thought it could be the way it was in movies. I never thought I’d find that guy that could make time pass by so fast,  or make me feel this way. I thought these feelings, the feelings that were only mentioned in moves didn’t exist. But I guess I was wrong. Wrong in the most perfect way. 

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