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okay, so here you are! For my 14,000th post I said I’d do a follow forever and here’s one. My brain went dead so I’m super sorry if I missed you out, but I just looked at my tumblr crushes and thought about the people with the blogs I remember, I’ll do another one soon, with different people.

Question to discuss: What’s your darkest secret?

You: I’m not dead. - SH

Stranger: I- Oh God, is this some kind of sick joke?! - JW

You: Well, I thought it would come out somewhat smoother than it has done, but no. This isn’t a joke. -SH

Stranger: This… Isn’t possible. This isn’t… How? - JW

You: All in good time, John. I hope you’ve kept 221B in condition. Did anything happen with the eyes in the microwave in the end? -SH

Stranger: Mrs Hudson threw them out. I tried to stop her, but… Well. You know how she is- was about those damn experiments of yours. - JW

You: Was? Well, John. I dare say you’d almost given up on me. -SH

Stranger: I said SHE was. She doesn’t. Believe, I mean. They were all telling me that I had to… I had to let it go. - JW

You: Ah but John, my ever faithful John, you didn’t listen for a second, did you? -SH

Stranger: Not entirely correct, Sherlock. - JW

Stranger: My first second was just last week. - JW

You: I’m almost disappointed -SH

Stranger: It’s been three bloody years, Sherlock! I couldn’t help it. Every day they’d say to me, “He’s not coming back, John.” “You have to give up, John.” “This isn’t healthy, John.”

Stranger: And it wasn’t. I went through every single one of your files, all the notes and bits of crap everywhere just trying to find a clue. Something. Something you might have, COULD have left me! But no. Nothing. Only bitterness and loneliness because you decided to fake your death and then just leave me alone. - JW

You: I never really left you alone, though, did I? You must have known I’d never actually leave you with Moriarty trying to get you. -SH

Stranger: No. All I knew was that I had no-one, because half of the population turned against me as co-fraud and half of them pitied my obsession and stayed the hell away from me. And if Moriarty wanted to get me, he would have already. - JW

You: Oh, John. Really? He couldn’t even get close to you if he wanted to. I wouldn’t let him. You’ve already seen I’d rather stake my own life than waste yours. -SH

Stranger: No, Sherlock. I haven’t seen that. Because you haven’t bothered to explain the whole mess yet. I don’t know why you jumped, how you survived… I was left in the dark. Once again. - JW

You: You look but you don’t see, John. Once again. -SH

Stranger: It’s kind of hard to see past crippling grief, Sherlock. You wouldn’t know, because you weren’t the one left behind. - JW

You: I bet you think it’s been particularly easy for me, don’t you? The last few years my life has revolved around you, John Watson. No-one else. You are the only person I can trus—-… You’re my only friend. -SH

Stranger: I don’t think it’s been easy. Hiding a personality like yours couldn’t have been. But there was no need to stick around - if you trusted me, and yes I did notice your slip up, then you could have let me in on the fake-death plan. You were my best friend, Sherlock, but you ended up leaving me in all but memory. You may as well have just left completely. - JW

You: Was. Well, at least I know where I stand. There was no plan, John. There was no time to think. There was not a spare second. All I knew was you were in danger, and it was my life or yours. There wasn’t even a question. -SH

Stranger: Is! IS, I’m sorry. That’s not… That’s not what I meant—- - JW

You: I went over for you John. I don’t know how I managed to survive. Three years later and I don’t know. How was I supposed to return to the one last person that, no matter what, believed that I was the most brilliant person on the face of the Earth, only to tell them that I had no idea? You are the one person I can’t lie to, John. As I said, you look but you don’t see. There’s so much more to see. -SH

Stranger: I still believe you’re the most brilliant person on the face of the earth, Sherlock. But I wouldn’t have cared if you didn’t have an explanation! If I’m the only person who you trust, who you can’t lie to… If I’m your only friend, Sherlock, then you should know I won’t give a damn if for once in your life you say ‘I don’t know’. - JW

You: I want to impress you, John. Not disappoint you. But it appears I’ve done just that. -SH

Stranger: I’m not disappointed in you. - JW

You: Well, you don’t believe any more. -SH

Stranger: What?! - JW

You: Out of all the people I’ve seen writing “I believe in Sherlock Holmes”, I can’t believe that you’d be the one to believe the opposite. -SH

Stranger: I don’t believe the opposite! Sherlock. I’ve believed in you for three years. Believed that you’d find a way to survive, to come back to me. - JW

Stranger: It’s only in the past week people’s comments started to get to me. My… My therapist. Greg, Mrs Hudson, Sally and Anderson. Sarah. - JW

You: Let me go through the list. Your therapist doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Believe me. Who’s Greg? Mrs Hudson… Well. Mrs Hudson is a wonderful woman, but she isn’t much good at solving cases. Sally and Anderson? You even thought about listening to them? Maybe that’s why you started listening. Your IQ was too low. Sarah? … Who’s Sarah? -SH

Stranger: She knows more than you think, Sherlock. Greg - Lestrade. It’s hard to ignore their snide comments, Sherlock, they never give it up. Sarah as in the one we nearly got killed back in that tunnel. - JW

You: John, “you need to say it” isn’t actually helping anyone. How long do you think I’ve been putting up with those comments? And really, John? Sarah? Of all the people I thought you’d choose, it wasn’t her. -SH

Stranger: How do you know what my therapist tells me to say?! And I’m not as thick skinned and razor sharp as you are, Sherlock. And yes, really. Sarah. What’s wrong with Sarah? - JW

You: I have my ways.

You: And… and John?

Stranger: What. - JW

You: The only thing wrong with Sarah is… Well…. She isn’t… … … Nothing. Nothing. She’s fine. -SH

Stranger: She’s a friend. It’s what I need, some nights. - JW

Stranger: But I’m curious. “Really, John? Sarah?” Please, go on. - JW

You: It’s nothing. -SH

Stranger: Sherlock. - JW

You: John. -SH

Stranger: Tell me. - JW

You: If you don’t know what I want to say already, then I shouldn’t be saying it. -SH

Stranger: Maybe I do know. But, Sherlock, “You need to say it”. - JW

You: And from what I’ve heard, you had something you wanted to tell me, too. -SH

Stranger: What? - JW

You: Your therapist tried to get you to say something, didn’t she? -SH

Stranger: You shouldn’t know what goes on between me and my therapist. - JW

You: ”You need to say it.” -SH

Stranger: Oh… That was when she made me say that you were dead out loud. I thought you would have heard that, too. - JW

You: Stop avoiding the statement, John. You know what I’m talking about just as well as I know what you’re talking about. The thing you couldn’t say. -SH

Stranger: That was the thing I couldn’t say! But then I said it, Sherlock, so I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. - JW

You: You cried, John. -SH

Stranger: When? You’re going to have to be more specific. - JW

You: It doesn’t matter. -SH

Stranger: Sherlock, you said you trusted me! Now you keep leaving your queries unfinished. Trust. Me. Tell me what you’re thinking. - JW

You: I said it doesn’t matter, John. -SH

Stranger: And I think it does. - JW

You: You don’t even know what “it” is. -SH

Stranger: Sherlock, you’re my best friend and this is the first time I’ve spoken to you in three years since you ‘died’. I care about whatever’s on your mind. - JW

You: I think I’m in love with you, John Watson. Whatever that is. -SH

Stranger: I- You… What? - JW

You: I’m sorry. -SH

Stranger: Why are you apologizing? - JW

You: Isn’t that what people do? -SH

Stranger: Not when there’s nothing to apologize for. - JW

You: John are you—.. -SH

Stranger: Sherlock? - JW

You: I think, for the first time, I may actually be “lost for words.” -SH

Stranger: Any time three years ago I would have counted that as a blessing. - JW

Stranger: Sherlock, you bloody idiot… I love you, too. And I don’t think, I know. - JW

You: I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen or… where this is… supposed to go. -SH

Stranger: Well first, you need to come home. - JW

You: I’ve never been far, John. -SH

You: Two doors down, actually. -SH

Stranger: You better be joking, Sherlock. - JW

You: Do I ever joke, John? -SH

Stranger: But you- and I- you… You bastard. - JW

Stranger: You. Fucking. Bastard. - JW

You: You don’t mean that, John. -SH

Stranger: Yes I do! You don’t even KNOW how much I’ve- how much can you hear, through the walls? How long have you been there? Were you there in the first year where I cried every bloody night? - JW

You: John, did you honestly think it was someone else that put you to bed every night when you fell asleep in front of the television? -SH

Stranger: Were you there, on the first anniversary of your ‘death’? You might have been. But you wouldn’t have been able to see me playing with your gun, writing my God damn suici— - JW

Stranger: I- I thought I just did that in the middle of the night. By myself. I… Ignore me. Ignore the last message. Please… - JW

You: I’ve been here to look after you, you just haven’t realized. Go and check, the bullets aren’t even able to do damage. -SH

Stranger: Sherlock, I noticed the blanks. I used to be in the army. I replaced them with real bullets that night. - JW

You: Go and check, John. -SH

Stranger: But it doesn’t matter. Forget it. - JW

You: I don’t forget. That was the one night that I was ready to break it all, ready to come back, call you stupid and screw up the note. That was one of those nights, John. The nights I took care of you. I stayed with you all night. -SH

Stranger: You should have. You should have broken it. You should have come back, called me stupid, screwed up the damn note. - JW

Stranger: I wish I’d been awake. - JW

You: You were, at one point. But I told you it was a dream, and you seemed pretty satisfied. -SH

Stranger: Damn it. - JW

Stranger: Damn you, Sherlock. Two doors down while I was falling to bits. Why the hell didn’t you just come home? - JW

You: I did, on occasion. Left notes in journals, checked the locks, organized some books. You look but you don’t see, John. How many times do I need to tell you? -SH

Stranger: I never checked the journals. I couldn’t. Not after the first week or so. They just… Sit there. And I thought the organization was Mrs Hudson. - JW

Stranger: I noticed, Sherlock, I just didn’t entertain the possibility that my dead best friend could be popping in every other day to bloody spruce up the place. - JW

You: It must be good, in that brain. -SH

Stranger: Oh, shut up, Sherlock. - JW

You: Never. -SH

Stranger: That’s what I like to hear. - JW

You: I love you. -SH

Stranger: That’s… That’s something new, but also brilliant to hear. - JW

Stranger: I love you, Sherlock. - JW

Stranger: Wait, holy crap. Are you in your… Are you— - JW

You: Am I what? -SH

Stranger: In your flat, Sherlock. - JW

Stranger: Right now. - JW

You: Yes, where else would I be? -SH

Stranger: I- I’m coming over. Is that okay? Can I come over? - JW

Stranger: Sherlock? - JW

Stranger: Answer me. Hurry up. Sherlock. - JW

You: Yes. It’s fine. Just… Give me a moment to tidy up. -SH

Stranger: No. - JW

Stranger: I can’t wait any more moments, Sherlock. - JW

You: You can come over, John. -SH

Stranger: I’ve changed my mind. - JW

You: You’ve—… What? -SH

Stranger: YOU come over HERE. I want to see you again… At our door. In our flat. - JW

You: I’ll be there in moments. -SH

Stranger: Less than one, Sherlock. - JW

Stranger: Sherlock. - JW

Stranger: I love you. - JW

You: I love you, too. -SH

What's your darkest secret?
  • You:I'm not dead. -SH
  • Stranger:Holy crap. - JW
  • You:...Surprise. -SH
  • Stranger:Wha- what?! - JW
  • Stranger:Is this some kind of sick joke? Because it isn't funny. - JW
  • You:It's not a joke, John. I'm alive. -SH
  • Stranger:But you- I saw you fall. I saw you hit the ground! I... - JW
  • You:Did you, John? Did you actually see me hit the ground? -SH
  • Stranger:You... You were on the ground, Sherlock, all bloody and I didn't know what to do! - JW
  • You:You did what I expected you to do. You accepted it. Now I need you to do one more thing for me. -SH
  • Stranger:What? Anything. Please. Will you come home, if I do? - JW
  • You:I need you to forget about me. I can't come home, John. I need you to move on. -SH
  • Stranger:No... No. No. I can't do that. - JW
  • You:You have to, John. Please. Think of it as my last request. -SH
  • Stranger:NO. - JW
  • You:John. I don't want you to hurt any more. I want you to carry on living your life... without me. -SH
  • Stranger:You don't understand, Sherlock. I can't NOT hurt without you. - JW
  • Stranger:Damn it, I can't live without you at all! I sit here all day, motionless, thinking. I do far too much thinking now, you'd hate it. It's all I'm able to do. I barely eat. I barely talk, or sleep. Mrs Hudson keeps trying to get me to go to my therapist but I can't. I won't. I know what's wrong with me, and talking about you won't help. It'll just hurt more. I'll never stop hurting, not until you're back in 221b. - JW
  • You:I can't come back, John. I wish I could. Moriarty's men foung out I wasn't dead. They're threatening the people I care about. Mrs Hudson, Lestrade...You. If any of you got hurt because of me I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Especially if it was you, John. You have to trust me on this. It will get better, John. -SH
  • Stranger:You have to come back. I don't CARE if I die. If I'm with you, if I get to spend a second more with you, then it won't matter. We can defeat them, together. Drive them away. Accidentally push them out of windows. I've trusted you on everything else, Sherlock, EVERYTHING else. But not on this. It won't get better. I know it won't. - JW
  • You:It's a risk I'm not willing to take, John. Even if you don't move on, I can at least guarantee you'll be alive. That's enough for me. -SH
  • Stranger:It's a risk I am willing to take. I'd take any bloody risk for you, Sherlock. I'm barely living. Honestly. Please... - JW
  • Stranger:Stop it. Stop this. I'm going crazy without you here. - JW
  • You:Barely is enough, John. As long as you have a breath left in you, it's enough. I won't be in contact again. Please try and be happy, John. For me. -SH
  • Stranger:No. I'm- I'm depressed, Sherlock. Mrs Hudson... She's worried I'm going to end it all, soon. - JW
  • Stranger:And I was contemplating it just this morning, when I woke up. In the flat, what should be OUR flat. Now I know you're out there, it's even worse. - JW
  • You:I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making this harder for you. I just couldn't stand not having a proper goodbye. But I need you to stay alive, John. Look after Mrs Hudson, go out on your dates, fall in love, grow old. Do that for me, John. Please? -SH
  • Stranger:This ISN'T a proper goodbye! It's not face to face, I... I don't even get to hear your voice. - JW
  • Stranger:And maybe I don't want to stay alive. Not without you. Because the truth is, I won't go out on any more dates. I won't bloody fall in love. Because I already did - three years ago. - JW
  • You:John...I....I don't know.....I'm not.... I can't.... -SH
  • Stranger:You know. - JW
  • Stranger:I'll bet you've always known. If you haven't, how the hell did you not notice? - JW
  • You:Why didn't you say anything? -SH
  • Stranger:Because I know you're not... Like that. It would have been pointless. - JW
  • You:It's not pointless, John. I was trying to say before: I don't know how to express my emotions, I'm not like other people, I can't describe my feelings. I want to say it, I've wanted to since the beginning, but I don't know how. -SH
  • Stranger:Say what? - JW
  • You:I- I- John Watson, I love you. -SH
  • You:But that doesn't even cover it, John. That doesn't sum up even half of what I feel. Can you understand that? -SH
  • Stranger:Oh, God Sherlock. You don't know how long... You don't know. - JW
  • Stranger:But I understand. You've said enough, I- More than I could have ever imagined. - JW
  • Stranger:I love you too, Sherlock Holmes. More than you know. - JW
  • You:So you understand why I have to do this, John? You understand why I have to keep you safe. Why I can't let anything happen to you. -SH
  • Stranger:I need you, though. Don't YOU understand that? - JW
  • You:I do. And I'll always be with you. I always have, even if you didn't know it. -SH
  • Stranger:No. I need you HERE. In the flat. With me. Physically. I need to see you again, look at you again... - JW
  • Stranger:I can't do this anymore. Not without you. I won't. - JW
  • You:I will beg you, John. If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I hate myself for what I'm doing but it has to be done. You have to understand that there's no other way. If there was, I would take it. If there was a way that I could come back to you then I would, if I could just come home and see you and be with you even for five minutes.... But that can't happen. I'm sorry, John, but this is how it has to be. -SH
  • Stranger:[STOP IT.]
  • Stranger:There's always another choice! There's ALWAYS a solution to the problem, Sherlock - you taught me that! - JW
  • You:I've been wrong before, John. Now, dry your eyes and take a deep breath. I know how you're reacting. I want you to turn your phone off and get some sleep. By the time you wake up, it will all be over. -SH
  • Stranger:No. No, no, no. You don't know how I'm feeling. You DON'T. I haven't randomly text you after three years of you being depressed, and then told you to get over it! - JW
  • Stranger:I haven't talked to you, confessed how I feel to you, then told you I'm leaving again. - JW
  • You:I'm sorry, John. But I can make you one promise; this won't happen again. -SH
  • Stranger:No. It won't. Because you're coming home. - JW
  • You:I'm not coming home, John. I can't. You know that as well as I do. -SH
  • Stranger:No, Sherlock. I swear to God. Come home or I'll... I'll do it. I'll take my gun and I'll... I'll make it so that the next time you see me will be in the next life. I swear it. - JW
  • You:John. Think about what you're saying. I'm doing this to PROTECT you, that would be a poor way to repay me, don't you think? -SH
  • Stranger:I need YOU! - JW
  • You:And I need YOU to be alive. I need you to keep going, for the both of us. Live for me, John. Please. -SH
  • Stranger:Where will you be? Where will you go? We're going to die eventually anyway. Why can't it be together? - JW
  • You:I'm not going to tell you where I'm going, I don't want you to be the one to find me...after. You're a survivor, John. You survived the war, you survived the past three years without me. It's not your time. -SH
  • Stranger:It will be. Soon enough. The years will pass quickly because I won't do anything. Just wait for you. - JW
  • You:Don't waste your life, John. I'm not giving mine for nothing. -SH
  • Stranger:It won't be a waste. Not to me. I have nothing else to live for. - JW
  • You:You'll find something. Or someone. I want you to be happy, John. Try to do that for me. -SH
  • Stranger:There's nothing else. There's no-one else. I can't be happy. If you understand how I feel, you'd know that. - JW
  • You:I do understand, John. Better than you know. Before I met you I'd never felt anything. Nothing at all. And now here I am, not being able to put my feelings into words. You changed me, John. You made me a better person. Thank you. -SH
  • Stranger:But I want to understand more about you. I want you explore more of you. I don't know if you mean any of this... But I know that this shouldn't be a goodbye, Sherlock. Please don't make it be. - JW
  • You:I don't want this to be goodbye. I never want to say goodbye to you. But it has to be. This has to happen. Goodbye, Doctor Watson. I love you. -SH
  • Stranger:Don't then! Please, Sherlock. Please, no. - JW
  • Stranger:Sherlock! Answer me! - JW
  • Stranger:Please... I love you. - JW