.

Todo este infierno vuelve a empezar, ya no lo soporto, nunca me voy a querer, es algo imposible de alcanzar, ya no me puedo engañar mas diciendo que todo esta bien en mi cabeza, no logro soportar que todas sean mas delgadas y perfectas que yo. ¿Porque no puedo ser asi tambien? ¿acaso no me esfuerzo lo suficiente? yo no sirvo para esto, no voy a lograr ser feliz nunca. Hoy peso 54kg. Despues de haber bajado 10 asquerosos kilos no pude ver ningun cambio en mi. No quiero estar mas en mi cuerpo.

16.11.

53.6

Neues LW schätze ich. yayy ich schädige meinen Körper dauerhaft und fortschreitend yayy.

Beim Duschen habe ich die Haare mal gesammelt, die mir so ausfallen. Dann habe ich sie zusammengerollt und das Wasser ausgedrückt. Der kleine Ball der dabei rauskam war etwa so groß wie mein Daumen.

Vielleicht bin ich einfach bisschen dumm. Also nicht wie, was-Dummes-angestellt, sondern so IQ-mäßig. Ich meine, mir ist klar, dass das was ich tue ungesund ist. Aber die “Ästhetik”, die ich anstrebe ist mir “wichtiger” als meine Gesundheit. Ich bin offiziell dumm. Super.

this is a blog about beauty, through my eyes.

to remind me why I need to lose weight.

and to provide a window to the world so that they might be able to see the way my eyes do.

{see my personal blog for more;

more of it and more reasons why}

losing motivation

So i have come so far and reached 57kg. Now over easter I have had the week off and non stopped binged on chocolate and cake and other bad foods and I am feeling like shit!!! I think I have put on weight but too scared to get on the scales. So starting from this moment I am vowing to get back to my healthy lifestyle and stop bingeing. My new goal is to get to 54kg by Saturday the 4th of May! so I have a month cmon motivation! I am doing this!!!!! I will succeed and I will be looking sexier then ever and toned! No more fatty food. I think I will start planning my meals to be 1500 a day for the next month. 

me disrupting nature again.. i look photoshopped in.

by the way my progress has gone backwards again this past half week.

Built up an amazing sweat with the #sweat workout from #PiYO this morning…definitely lives up to its name ha! Weighed myself this morning and I am at my record lowest! 54.6kg!!!! Time to celebrate with some proats for the first time in ages! Also because I didn’t have time this morning to prepare my breakfast because of having to pack for the next three days. When I stepped on the scale this morning, the feeling beforehand was ‘i am always at 55.2kg now maybe I can’t lose anymore in order to leave room to put more muscle on with piyo’ but to my surprise I am now even closer to my goal weight of 54kg. My long term goal this year was to get to 54kg regardless. I made this promise to myself at the beginning of this year and I have not stopped. At points I was close to giving up and just settling for it, but then it all became clear that I would be quitting if i did. And only god knows I am no quitter. I am a fighter and using that #spirit I am getting closer just before the end of the year. Going back to where I grew up for the next three days will only remind me and reinforce that idea of why I first started in the first place… #cardio #yoga #pilates #core #bicep #upperbody #challengeyourself #strength #stretching #tone #definition #health #beachbody #noexcuses #fastedworkout #igfitness #nutrition #wellbeing #diet #weightloss #fitchick #homegym #loveyourself #motivation #dedication #results