is a horrible day.
No joke. I ate badly at breakfast, skipped my workout in the morning because ‘I woke up late and it’s too hot to exercise outside now’.
Which is true. And the heat was honestly killing me that I stayed at home all day, reading crap chick lit, flicking through the channels and eating Ferrero Rocher. One by one by one, out of the box. And I finished about half a box. Even I’m disgusted by me.
I’ll go for a run at 6pm, I told myself, when it would be more shady and less hot. And when it started raining at about 5pm, I gave up altogether and decided today is just gonna be a bad day for me.
Denial denial denial. The truth is that lying to myself hurts. Telling myself that I love chocolate and I can stomach another one makes me unwell physically and mentally. I can feel myself slipping back to bad habits and it’s so very disappointing. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna change.
So, at 9pm, I put on my running shoes and went for a run. It was dark, there were not a lot of people in the park, and I just know that I need to get out of the house. I wouldn’t say the run torched off all the calories consumed today, but just moving my butt showed me that I CAN bring myself to do something, and that I feel MUCH better moving than wallow in self-pity and do nothing.
When I was lazing around at home earlier today, I was watching tons of Youtube videos where celebrities shared their skincare tips and weight loss methods. At first I was hooked, then I feel that they are simply reciting promotional lines and we are so different genetically and live in different environments, how could I possibly copy them and follow the same ways? It’d be impossible/ so hard that I’d give up/ not work at all (as my common sense and scientific knowledge tell me. Seriously. Sometimes the 'experts’ make no sense at all). I feel so silly for listening to their 'recommendations’ believing that I could do it. Additionally, there were some 'online quizzes’ I took which showed whether you could lose weight or not/ are you a lucky person based on the positions of your moles etc. According to them I have huge sexual demands, would end up in huge debts, have an unhappy marriage and is likely to gain weight in the second half of the year. I was freaked out, of course, but then again why am I letting all this nonsense affect me? Who can tell what will happen in my life, and whatever that will happen in my life will happen right, so shouldn’t I focus on learning how to face them with an open mind rather than worrying over it?
And this was what prompted me to go for my run at night. I’m tired of mindless absorbing what others think I should do while I take no action to live my life. I threw away the remaining box of chocolate. I feel sad that I have to resort to such wasteful habits but I know that’s the only way I could deal with things for now.
I can’t deal with being idle, really. Later I’m gonna make a list of things to do each day until I leave for Europe. FIGHT!