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Famp - 3075

There’s eventually going to be a wicked-awesome cyberpunk Assassin’s Creed game (AC is already cyberpunk by itself but anywho) set in the far future, like in 3075 and Air Assassinations will be done through laser-guided lock-on, visuals hacked into the Assassin’s optics, and a straight-up orbital drop. 

I don’t want to lose my Lock on a target after climbing up a building.

I want to Air Assassinate someone from a fucking skyscraper.

I want to Air Assassinate someone from the CN freaking Tower.—/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYzMA—/

Chelsea beat Everton 6-3 in a thrilling match that Tim Howard was either very lucky or very unlucky to complete, depending on how you look at it. The madness began faster than you could say, “Diego Costa out six weeks with a hamstring injury,” with Diego Costa scoring just 36 seconds into the match and then Branislav Ivanovic adding a second Chelsea goal in the third minute. 

Adding an initial bit of controversy to the early excitement, Tim Howard went unpunished for handling the ball outside his box in the ninth minute — an offense that could have gotten him sent off. Which might have been an improvement on how he spent the rest of the day.

Kevin Mirallas got one back for Everton just before halftime, making it 2-1 at the break. Then in the 69th minute, Seamus Coleman deflected a shot between Howard and the post for an own goal that put Chelsea up 3-1. Costa appeared to taunt Coleman immediately after the goal and that’s when Howard snapped.

The U.S. keeper chased Costa down and grabbed him by the shirt before jamming a finger in his face. Again, Howard was allowed to stay in the match, but he was shown a yellow card.

(Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)

Perhaps inspired by Howard’s fire, Everton refused to roll over and just two minutes later, Steve Naismith scored to make it 3-2. But because this match was more erratic than a sleep deprived teenager hopped up on Red Bull and caffeine pills, Chelsea answered with a goal from Nemanja Matic in the 74th minute, then Everton’s Samuel Eto’o scored against his former club to make it 4-3 in the 76th minute, then Ramires made it 5-3 in the 77th minute and, finally, Diego Costa added one last brilliant goal in the 90th minute to put the fianl score at 6-3.

And after all that, everyone needs to have a warm glass of milk and take a nap.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

  • Sports & Recreation
  • Soccer
  • Tim Howard
  • Diego Costa
  • Branislav Ivanovic