2moms

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Our visit went amazing. I’m so happy. My mom is so happy. Kalen definitely remembered his mommy. It was really wonderful. Mer and I were able to have a nice chat. I think we were both at ease. It was really nice.

I love my big boy so much. I can’t believe the changes he has made, I hate that I have missed so much..But I am so positive to see his future.

Reflecting.

I’m feeling so emotional today, and I’m not sure why..So I think I just need to write.

Almost 4 weeks ago, I started eating clean. Much healthier. Changed how I cook. What I buy, etc. I’ve lost 16 lbs since I last weighed myself 3.5 weeks ago. Feeling pretty happy about that. I feel like lately my body has been reflecting my sadness and I’m really not ok with that.

Now, I’m doing the Fit Body Boot camp, and I feel good. I’m motivated. So thats a nice feeling.

I know that I haven’t really blogged much since having Kalen back in my life. Truth is, its hard for me to express things lately. Or maybe its always been hard. 

Kalen is my life. And I am his mother. That is my identity. Since the moment he was conceived, thats what I’ve been. Kalens mommy. Everything I love and respect and hold dear to me is wrapped up in his tiny little heart. I am not sure I could ever properly express my love for him. But, I will spend the rest of my forever showing him how loved and wanted he has always been.

My inbox is filled with some support, and a lot of hate. Truth is…none of you know how my relationship with Mer was. Only her and I truly know. Yes, there was love. Yes, there was bad. On both of our parts. We are imperfect people. All of you sending me this shit won’t affect me anymore….The person I am now, and the person I was 5 months ago - two very different people. I value things more. I cherish things more. I love more. Nobody has to understand my relationship with Mer and Becs. Truth be told - I don’t fully understand it.

This is what I do know - Mer, Rebecca, and I are co parenting and co existing. And dare I say….we are building a friendship. That friendship and that co-parenting relationship is being built on honesty, trust, and a whole lot of other shit we are figuring out along the way. And its important to me.

Your support is super appreciated. And your hate is going to be ignored. I’m over it. Judge us if you must, but keep it away from me.

All I care about at this point is being the absolute best mother and me that I can be.

I know how to be Kalens mom. I’m good at it. I’m good at loving him. And now, I have to become good at loving me. Because all I really want for him is happiness and love. I want him to grow up knowing how much we all love him. 3 moms are better than one. This is our new normal…and if my son can adjust, I will adjust. :)

Now, I am going to continue bettering myself. Making myself happy mentally and physically. And focus on moving on. Moving up. Moving forward.

I’ll always be a good mommy to my son…but now I need to be a better me for ME. And for the next person that I am meant to be with.

Such is life…no giving up…thats my daily reminder to myself. Its hard, and some days I feel like quitting…but, I’ve got this.

2

4.2.2015
Yesterday we all wore blue for Autism Awareness Day. Totally befitting the cause of the day, I had my first day “back at work.” I had my first tutoring session with one of my kiddos since a couple weeks before I had Grace. I get to bring Grace with me, and my kiddo’s mom hangs out with her while I do the tutoring session with him. It pays to be independently employed and to be friends with the families you work with. I had a blast, and was surprised at how easily we found our groove again. I thought we would have lost some ground with a 9 month break, but that wasn’t the case.

Today Grace and I went swimming. Our friends couldn’t make it, so it was just the two of us. Lots of other moms and babies there though, and we made new friends. It’s interesting, meeting other mom friends when Jessi isn’t with me… They obviously assume I am heterosexual until I mention my wife, and then they suddenly have a billion questions about how we got pregnant. It is a very personal subject, that I would never ask someone unfamiliar to me about… Luckily I’m very used to it by now and just go with it. As long as they don’t suggest that we should have just “done it the old fashioned way,” I am usually not bothered. Believe me though, that has been said more times than not. Grace kept stealing the show in the pool by cheesin’ at all the dads with beards lol… She is such a ham! She had a blast swimming and is now on hour 2 of napping. It is a fun way to break up our routine and wears her out all at the same time. I’d say it’s a win/win. :)

I feel like I owe all these online pregnancy communities at least a lil update bc I devoured the posts as a way to make it through the past 41 weeks. I birthed a lil babe at 40 weeks 6 days - named her Lois. Had the natural waterbirth I’d hoped for and feel so blessed for that. 

I am going to post a birth story for the pregblrs that follow me and anyone else who cares because reading others’ birth stories was incredibly helpful to me and pretty much the main way I prepared for birth and I want to give that back if I can! Maybe I’ll add a graphic non-identifying photo if I can find one, haha. 

This is my view right now. :) You can’t see Grace’s arm, but she and Jessi are sleeping the same way. I often find them sleeping in the same position, and it’s terribly cute! Gracie’s fourth tooth popped through today - finally! So I’m hoping that the majority of the pain and fussiness is over. I ordered her an amber necklace that is supposed to help with teething pain and a teething necklace for me to wear that she can chew on. I hate seeing my babe in pain. :( Yesterday we called the advice nurse because her Tylenol just wasn’t cutting it. We asked about topicals/numbing teething gel and they said they no longer recommend that people use those. So I just started using a straw and dripping cool water over her gums, which seemed to keep her entertained/comfortable until her next dose of Tylenol.

She bit me with all four of those teeth while nursing this morning - ouch! It will only get more painful as they come in more, so I’m not looking forward to that part. I still can’t believe that my baby has 4 teeth already at 6 months?!?!? She just looks so big. I keep thinking of that baby we brought home from the hospital and I can’t believe that she has turned into this incredible little girl. I wonder how she will change as she gets even bigger? I can’t wait to find out!

So this might be slightly confusing… Seems I went ahead and got myself 2 moms 😇 One I’ve know all my life and the other I just met last year. It’s a trip, but I’m super lucky and very fortunate to know them both. Donna- you’re such a brave woman, I can’t express how much i admire you. Pamela- what can i say?! You’re incredible and always there for me from the start. Happy Mother’s Day ❤️ #petethompsonphotography @pamelakirk1 #2moms

Cloth diaper mission!

I got our second cloth in the mail today, our third should be here Thursday or Friday! I need suggestions of brands, cheap or expensive it doesn’t matter! I just need input because we’re newbies :) also ideas on how to make my own would be great, my grams wants to make us a bunch!