I’m a believer of the “mind over matter” aphorism. The brain has a distinct power to manipulate the body’s physiology. It’s difficult to maintain a positive attitude when facing a life-threatening disease, but doing so could mean all the difference.
First of all, you are not alone. Several fellow diabetics feel the same. Diabetes is a strenuous and extremely demanding health condition. The whole pre-established routine quickly becomes tedious. I have never heard another diabetic say they enjoy the daily crap we endure.
Honestly, I maintain my diabadass-ness because I’m a total medical nerd. I’m like my own science experiment. I enjoy doctor’s appointments and being in hospitals. I find it calming to be surrounded by intelligence and medicine. I don’t like having diabetes, but I don’t think it’s the absolute worst thing that can happen to me. Years ago, it was a death sentence, but now it is manageable. I’m not going to let something I can control annihilate me.
What you can do is constantly remind yourself that what you need to do is beneficial to your health and you want to be healthy. Not taking proper care of yourself is the worst thing you can do. Find your motivation and form a mental tattoo. It won’t be quick and easy, but the vicious cycle must be broken somewhere. Once you start, stick with it. Do not give up. Every time you feel like you may falter, remind yourself that you do this for your health and [your motivation here]. Mind over matter.
Getting support helps too. Tell your parents if you’re mostly around them. Confide in a friend. If nothing else is working for you, maybe therapy is a viable option.
Anything that makes you better is not a weakness. You got this.