There was a girl who would only live on lemonade or her parents were really old and rubbish and just kept giving it to her to the point where she couldn’t have anything else. Or they where really nice, and only gave it to her because they really liked her. I cant decide that bit but, she could only live on lemonade. If she didn’t have lemonade, she’d die. And her parents where going to die soon too because they had something wrong with them like their blood was blue or something like that. And she had a brother but, he was really stupid so, no one really cared about him. They just wanted their little girl to live. The only trouble is, no one thought about her brother. She was in a bottle, he was on his own. No one thought about him they just left him. So he sat by her, her brother. He sat by her in the bottle. And because lemonade helped her eyesight she could see him really clearly though the sides even though the glass was as thick as his skull. And coz it was the country side there was nothing for him to eat and nothing for him to buy, and he was starving. And she could see that, but there was no one looking after him and because he was a bit stupid he couldn’t really look after himself. And it kept on raining so he’s getting a bit rusty. She was having an amazing time in the lemonade but she knew she had to help him. So she swam to the surface but she couldn’t get out, it was too far away, this bottle was too big. She knew she had to do something, he was getting worse and worse and worse and he was really hungry and thirsty and he started eating grass and puking up all the time. She tried to think of some plan for it, but she couldn’t, all she knew is that he needed her with him. All she could do was watch him puke his guts out near the side of the glass. But then bingo, she knew. She started to drink. And she drank and she drank and she drank. And this was a lot of lemonade, enough to last her till she died. Because her parents wanted her to live for ages. But she drank, every last drop. Until she was in an empty bottle. But that was no good, she still couldn’t get out. But that was okay, coz she just waited until she has a bit one stored up. Because she drunk all the pop, she drunk all the lemonade. Then she started her fart (laughs). It was slow at first but then it was really loud and hard. She blew her way out the bottle, straight though the top. Like a rocket. Then she stopped her brother eating grass and they went and found a nice little house to live in together. Her and her brother. And it turned out that drinking all that lemonade had cured her. Coz, she never wanted it again, she had orange for the rest of her life.
—  Effy Stonem, Skins (Season 1. Episode 8. Unseen)

Nino Rota plays theme from “8 1/2”nino rota

Murdoch Mysteries Finales: How They Just Keep Getting Worse!!

Season 1: The Martian invasion is shown to be just a hoax by Terrence Meyers. No one is in mortal peril throughout the entire episode.

Season 2: Murdoch and Julia reconcile after their big fight earlier in the season. Everything ends on a fairly positive note.

Season 3: Julia leaves. Waah.

Season 4: Julia marries Darcy, and William leaves the constabulary in self-imposed exile. Double Waah.

Season 5: Darcy agrees to give Julia a divorce.

Season 6: After Murdoch saves Julia from the gallows, she is in shock and has to have some “alone time”.

Season 7: Murdoch and Julia get engaged…but Brax is nearly beaten to death by the Irish wharfies.

Season 8: George is arrested for the murder of Archibald Brooks.

Season 9: I don’t even want to try to guess.


Heavy breathing Sam (requested by the pervs over at the bittersamgirlclub)