02.10.2011

Hermit Crab

I am a hermit crab.

I’m a lonely shell of myself but in the end, I’m me.

Despite the shell on the outside of me.

They call me weak. They push me down. Fill me up with hopes and pressure.

They want me to make something of myself. But they tear it all down at the same time.

I’m not any of that.

I’m not the fighter brawling my way to the top.

I’m not the one to climb up that mountain and reach the sky.

I’m just a survivor. I’m a hermit crab.

Moving and moving on, making do in all these situations.

I’m a desolate child in this world. 

This world of expectations and prejudices. This world of people.

People who fill up the empty calmness with endless chatter of what I can or can not be.

People who lie and steal and do all the horrible things I’ve done as well.

People who judge and demand and tells other, No! You can’t be yourself!

Conform! Don’t do this! Don’t believe that! Don’t! They shout. 

How dare you love another of the same gender?! Faggot! It hurts.

How dare you not follow Christianity or the Islamic faith?! Burn in hell! It hurts.

How dare you think outside the box?! Tradition! It hurts.

Your love is wrong! Your beliefs are wrong! Your dreams!

But me? But us? The hermit crabs.

We listen and move on and find new escapes, new shells, and new people.

We shout too. Fuck that! We are us! I am me!

I’m a faggot! Yes, I am. Because I appreciate the human body, male or female.

I’m a sinner! Yes, I am. Because everyone sins and I believe only in ideas and love and hate.

I’m a dreamer! Yes, I am. Because my mind is chaotic and wild and I dare.

I am me!

Lost and confuse and searching for myself, for a new shell, for an escape, I am me!

I speak when I wish to and hide when I rather observe, I am me!

I’m not what the expectations say. No!

Go then! Push! Go! The crippling media and gossips and opinions that brings me down.

That destroys soul and body. Go! Continue on!

Tell me! Tell us that we’re nothing! That we’re not perfect. That we’re fuck ups!

I know that! We know that!

Tell us that we don’t understand, we’ve got no rights, we’re nothing! Go and shout!

Nothing! Too old! Too young! Too poor! Too fucked up!

We'll shout back too. I will shout!

I am a hermit crab! I will move on from you!

I’ll cut the losses, I'll survive from the cutting words and bludgeoning fists.

I’ll find that shell that proudly display me as I am. I will survive as I'm surviving now!

We will. I will. Why?

I am a hermit crab.

currently: not so sober me making my attitude face that i make a lot. never really take pictures of myself but i accidentally clicked the webcam button…took pictures….and i felt like this one was the best.