1. I wish someone taught me how to stop loving someone who has let go. There was no feeling worse than watching her dance with another man to our song, nothing worse than realizing that I was not the reason her eyes twinkled anymore.
2. I wish science warned me about hope and how it is one of the most malignant forms of cancer. That it just keeps coming back. You just keep hoping – hoping for a better future, a better job, a better love.
Hope will kill you.
3. I wish someone thought me how to deal with a broken heart. That downing 20 shots only helps you forget. That even if you’d rather let your throat burn than fix your broken heart, losing yourself is not worth the girl.
4. I wish someone told me that as time changes, people do too and that people will walk out on you. They will begin to drift and it doesn’t matter if it was intentional or not, you do not bother. You didn’t need them anyways.
5. I wish someone told me that there are people who would blow out your flames just so they could be the only ones shining - that even the closest of friends can be the most poisonous.
6. I wish someone told me that people leave and we humans are fucking selfish. We just can’t see past ourselves so it’s alright. It’s okay to end a relationship if it’s toxic. It’s okay to end that phone call because you can’t keep your eyes open. It’s okay to put down your best friend’s favorite book even though she begged you to read it, to just put it down if you’re wasting time. I wish someone told me to do it for myself. To live and make those choices only for myself. You are allowed to be selfish. IT IS OKAY.
7. ‘I wish someone told me that I was the sun. To not think for even a second that it’s okay to burn myself just to light up her path.
‘You are greatness. You are the fucking sun.’ I wish I heard that. I wish someone made me realize that I was fucking naïve to believe that she’d settle for stars even when I saw galaxies grow in her eyes.
8. I wish someone warned me to stay away from girls with broken smiles and a mind that runs a 1000 miles, the ones with a heart bound by the shackles of what could’ve been. The ones that would kiss you like it was their last dying breath. The ones who light fire to the butterflies in your stomach. The ones who make you feel like home. I wish someone shouted ‘stay away, down those shots, snatch back your screaming heart and run. She will break you and leave you breathless and darling you will not be able to drown that pain with vodka. Not this time.’
9. I wish someone told me to not let her hold my heart in her hands like it’s some toy. I’m a real person with real feelings. I have watched her fall in and out of love and nothing stings more than watching those lips mouth the words ‘I don’t love you anymore’. It stings not just because she simply just doesn’t love me, it stings because it was that easy.