*zodiac

The signs as Graham Norton Eurovision Quotes

Aries: oh you gave us three points, now I won’t be rude about your jacket

Taurus: the song means ‘don’t forget’ but I’m afraid we will

Gemini: well that wasn’t embarrassing at all

Cancer: it’s like the gay wedding I’ll never have

Leo: apparently there’s a real shortage of Botox in Montenegro, I don’t know why

Virgo: I blame Game of Thrones for this staging

Libra: the UK might be in for a chance, you never know

Scorpio: it’s 3 minutes you’ll never get back, but think of it this way you’ll never have to hear it again

Sagittarius: this will be the longest minute of your life

Capricorn: oh it’s gone in my wine

Aquarius: you still there? it’s over

Pisces: we built a tunnel to your country

DAILY PROBLEMS THE SIGNS DEAL WITH
  • Aries:People who tell them what to do
  • Taurus:Stupid people
  • Gemini:Not knowing when to stop talking
  • Cancer:Holding in a snarky comment
  • Leo:Having more hair than they know what to do with
  • Virgo:Sneeze attacks
  • Libra:Not being able to fit into their jeans bc the booty too big
  • Scorpio:Refraining from cutting a bitch
  • Sagittarius:Wearing a seatbelt
  • Capricorn:Bandaids that DONT STICK
  • Aquarius:Forgetting to blink
  • Pisces:People thinking that they're high
The Signs: “I am not”

Aries: I am not evil

Taurus: I am not an idiot

Gemini: I am not fake

Cancer: I am not afraid

Leo: I am not self centered

Virgo: I am not boring

Libra: I am not helpless

Scorpio: I am not shallow

Sagittarius: I am not a brat

Capricorn: I am not my past

Aquarius: I am not less than you

Pisces: I am not weak

Aries: Sadness has slept in your ribcage since winter and although you like the cold I think it’s time to wake it up.

Taurus: I’ve seen wildfires more tame than your soul. It’s okay to take a break sometimes, just because you’re burning out doesn’t mean you’ll fade away.

Gemini: You keep insisting that you’re fine but you fumble over your words like a fawn walking for the first time. It’s not your fault that despair haunts you like a ghost. It never will be your fault.

Cancer: Love is blind and your heart as always had a bad habit of leading you to dark hallways with chained doors. If they don’t love you by now they never will. Guard your heart.

Leo: You are the wolf crying at the moon for something unattainable. Sometimes loving yourself is far greater than loving anyone else. The beauty in something else doesn’t mean the lack of beauty in you.

Virgo: Everything you’ve ever felt gathers like dust inside your chest; why do you hold onto things you can dwell on? It’s time to clean them out and let your resentment go.

Libra: You always seem to be walking through other people’s problems like a maze that has no exit; it’s time to climb over the hedges and take care of yourself.

Scorpio: When it rains I always think of you. Like a storm consistency will never be your forte. It’s okay to be lonely; the Earth will still cry for you even when no one else will.

Sagittarius: You are a masterpiece and the ones who hurt you are just rough sketches. Please don’t let them tarnish your beauty with their words.

Capricorn: Harboring a sea of anger is never healthy, just don’t get so caught up in the waves of pride that you drown. Apologizing for wrongdoings does not make you weak.

Aquarius: Sadness has always been a syrupy thing for you, but I promise it will never be as sweet as the voices in your head make it seem.

Pisces: With a heart as soft as yours I think angels could fall asleep in your chest, but sometimes wolves find it amusing to dress like sheep and pray on lambs like you. Keep your eyes open for these people.

—  Horoscopes; 5.23.15
The Signs: Being cute af.

Aries: When they try hard to lead and take control of something but fail and get frustrated and their brows furrow and they get flustered. And shift their weight from one foot from the other.

Taurus: When they play with their hair and sit quiet and patient and give you little and caring smiles to you from across the room and their eyes spark up because you smiled back.

Gemini: When they are trying to talk and they go too fast and their words tangle up into bunches and start to blush a bright crimson and giggle trying to untangle their words but stumble them up more.

Cancer; When they try to explain something but they don’t know how to, and they start to look at the floor and hide their face. And they start to get shy and they apologize over and over for no reason.

Leo: When they try to cheer you up but they cant and they start to feel bad and play with their hands and pace back and forth to figure it out. And they start to try to distract you by cute little pointless questions.

Virgo: When they get upset and fuss about it and pout their lip and cross their arms and give you big wide-eyed puppy dog eyes. And bit their lip while gazing at you still with those eyes.

Libra; When they start to laugh silently at something you said then it get louder and their eyes spark up and they cover their mouth with their hand and tries to stop their uncontrollable laughter.

Scorpio: When they start to look at you with these utterly bright eyes and look away quickly when you notice, and after a while they come over and talk about their day with and how amazing it was because they got the solo or something like that.

Sagittarius: When they get so excited about something they start to sway back and forth and go around in circles and jump up and down and ramble on how excited they are.

Capricorn: When they are working so hard on something and they spin around on their rolling chair and lay on the floor trying to think and when they are writing they slightly stick out their tongue out of their mouth. 

Aquarius: When they get so tired after a very long day and rest their head on your shoulder and play with the bracelets you’re wearing. And tells you little childhood stories and asks you for random advice.

Pieces: When they start to draw on their hand with a pen while carrying a steady conversation and not noticing they are drawing on their hand until you point it out and they smile and whisper, “oh.”

things the signs tend to do a lot
  • aries:using lots of hand motions while talking
  • taurus:wiggling eyebrows
  • gemini:taking deep breaths
  • cancer:playing with their mouth/lips
  • leo:winking
  • virgo:smirking
  • libra:blushing
  • scorpio:laughing uncontrollably
  • sagittarius:picking at their nails
  • capricorn:absentmindedly tapping their foot
  • aquarius:looking deep in thought
  • pisces:GIGGLING. SO MUCH GIGGLING.
The signs as Heavydirtysoul lyrics
  • Aries:"This is not rap, this is not hip hop, just another attempt to make the voices stop"
  • Taurus:"Death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit"
  • Gemini:"I hope they choke on smoke cause I'm smoking them out the basement"
  • Cancer:"One time to think and I say we start now, sing it with me if you know what I'm talking about"
  • Leo:"There's an infestation in my mind's imagination"
  • Virgo:"You've got one time to figure it out, one time to twist and shout"
  • Libra:"This doesn't mean I lost my dream, it's just right now I got a crazy mind to clean"
  • Scorpio:"Gangsters don't cry, therefore, I'm Mr. Misty-eyed, therefore I'm"
  • Sagittarius:"Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said, if I didn't know better I'd guess you're all already dead"
  • Capricorn:"Rapping to prove nothing, just writing to say something, cause I wasn't the only one that wasn't rushing to say nothing"
  • Aquarius:"Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch, saying stuff like, 'you only live once'"
  • Pisces:"Can you save my Heavydirtysoul for me?"
Best Things About the Signs
Aries: How, despite popular belief, calm they are and how easy it is to talk to them. 
 

Taurus: How much fun you have with them…they are honestly so down to earth.


 

Gemini: They live everyday with a positive and enthusiastic attitude. They also don’t mind speaking their mind when the time comes.

 

Cancer: They might be crazy and intense but they are always there for you.

 

Leo: Under their cool and collected shell they are extremely adorable and awkward….sometimes annoying but in a cute way.


 

Virgo: Very passionate and direct. They will inspire you to be a better person, being around them fills you with joy. 


 

Libra: They always stay balanced even during bad times. They also romantics and will hardcore charm you. 


 

Scorpio: Once you get past their scary bitch face they are the biggest goofballs. They also give the best advice and are willing to help at all hours of the day…they don’t bite.


 

Sagittarius: You will always go on an adventure when you’re with them. They always stay positive and care for any and everything. 


 

Capricorn: They always do what is best for them and their friends. They might seem bad but really they are the sweetest and love the ones that love them back…sometimes more. 


 

Aquarius: They always have your back, they are very loyal people. They also very intelligent people that, because of their friendly personality, will help out with anything. 


 

Pisces: Always willing to help out and they will do it with a smile on their face. Also they have the biggest imaginations.

Commitment of the Zodiac Signs!

Aries: These people are big flirts when they’re single, but once they find that special someone, they’re committed to that person and that person only. If you’re looking to keep them around, keep the relationship fun and exciting. Don’t develop too many routines.

Taurus: A Taurus is nothing but dedicated. They are sometimes a little too dedicated to someone. They look for a close, honest, and loyal relationship. But because they are so committed to you, they expect you to return the loyalty!

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