To Be Honest

I couldn’t stop the tears if I tried,
Looked right in my mothers face and lied.
I told her I was okay.
I need to be honest.
Meanwhile I’m dying,
Meanwhile I’m trying,
Meanwhile it’s been a long while since I smiled.
I swear,
To show no fear,
At least not on the outside,
Even when my insides feel like they pouring outside.
I jus Been Feeling so alone,
At this point I’m used to it
Not knowing how to deal
Not knowing how to heal
Not knowing how to feel
Not knowing what is real.
Tears hit my pillow on my birthday,
On my birthday!
Fucked up in the worst way.
Realizing it’s been another year.
To be honest, I can’t be honest
So I’ll always say that I’m Okay