I wasn’t totally up for posting for the transvisibility thing, I’ll be 100% honest its hard to see people who can pass their gender when I feel like I’m stuck at stage 1 with 0 validation for who I am.
I want to kindly say; fuck validation. Fuck finding self worth in the eyes of others. And most sincerely, fuck every single person who tried to invalidate my identity because I present myself feminine. I present myself feminine for the social satisfaction; I’m a high school student and this shit is already hard without the outside criticism. I’ve been trans for 3+ years now, living in a household where my identity is something only I know. I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair, wear anything more masculine than neutral. I felt like barbed wire and garbage in a body, I think is the best way to describe it. Because it hurts and it fucking sucks. It took more guts than I thought I had to come out to my parents. And it’s so recent, I can’t say how things will go from here. But my parents are supportive and assured me hopefulness.
I think my biggest problem was I never saw much hope at all. I never saw someone I could look at with a glimmer of some sparkly fucking revelation that things will get better for me. But I did. I did in the people I meant. I was scared to death because the last thing I wanted was for my parents to disapprove the person I’ve been screaming for years to know. But they didn’t. And I don’t think enough people can see that, that in dark places it’s hard to find that bright sparkling eyesore revelation that things will be okay. I want people to find that. I want people to find happiness, and I want them to smile so big and shove that happiness down people’s throat like a hard pill to swallow, and I want it to be contagious as hell. I think hope passes on to people, because it’s hard to stay in a negative state of mind when you see someone in your same situation find happiness. You see yourself in the people who suffer but I want you to see yourself in the people who suffered and got the hell out of there. I want you to see yourself in the people who found happiness, because I did and now I’m here. And I have a long way to go but I’m so ready for that, and I’m so ready to turn around and say fuck you to everyone who told me otherwise.
I hesitated to post anything today because it’s far easier to sit back than take the risk of the hate I get the moment I seem happy with who I am. People hate that. But I’m happy with who I am, whether I look “too feminine” or not. Fuck that.
He/him || transgender || 16 ✌️
The Samsung Galaxy S®6