*csa

anonymous asked:

are you really going to keep defending a child predator just because she's a trans woman. you refuse to out her behavior and keep asking people to talk about it in private. do you not fucking realize how much danger you are putting people in. why do you refuse to acknowledge your mistake and do what is right before asking for forgiveness and love mail from csa survivors and guilting your partner to be back in a relationship with you.

Ok, fine, I’ll acknowledge everything that happened right now.

Elayne sexually harassed a 15 year old trans man. I did not know the entire story of what happened, just little bits and pieces. I knew she showed someone her boobs, that is it. I defended Elayne because I perceived it as a bunch of cafab trans people invoking the “trans women as sexual predators” trope that is still used to this day to justify forcing trans women out of LGBTQIA spaces and women’s spaces. I defended her because i perceived the situation as a Latina trans woman being harassed, I was very, very wrong.

Yesterday, the day I had to take my SATs, a bunch of my friends and my partner looked into what really happened, and uncovered that Elayne had in fact sexually harassed that child and then tried to justify it multiple times. All this was happening while I was taking the test. When I got home I took a nap, when I woke up, my partner was having a meltdown from being triggered by Elayne. I tried my best to help, but I couldn’t. I told Elayne that I did not want her to follow me anymore, and I told her to stop replying to Ajani, because she triggered them.

At this point I had to go to work, so I could not communicate with anyone at this point. I worked from 7:30-12:30 and then I left. At around 12 I began to go into a depressive episode which is why I asked for positive messages. Several people have come and asked me what happened, and I did ask to speak with them privately. This is not because I do not want to acknowledge what I did was wrong, It’s because I do not want to be harassed by a certain side of tumblr that associates with Elayne.(Radical white trans woman tumblr)

I loved Elayne, I really did. People came to me and told me that she rubbed them the wrong way, but I did not listen. If I had just cut ties with her, none of this would have happened. Now I realize that she really is a borderline abuser. She uses transmisogyny within the trans community as an excuse to trigger the dysphoria of trans men, to sexually harass people, and to guilt trip people.

I now see that my relationship with Ajani is over. I admit that I still have strong feelings for them, I really do. I want what is best for them. I want whatever will keep them safe and happy. And it seems that being in a relationship with me makes them neither safe nor happy.

I am sincerely sorry for any damage I have caused to csa survivors by associating with Elayne.

anonymous asked:

(tw: CoCSA) (tw: internalized victim blaming) I don't hold myself responsible for my assault partly because I was so young when it happened but I hold my abuser responsible even though was the same age as me when he assaulted me. I am angry at him and it helps me to be angry but I can't reconcile holding him responsible despite his age and myself not responsible because of my age. I feel guilty for holding him responsible and I don't know how to deal with this. Does anyone have any advise?

Hey anon,

I’ve been in a similar situation and felt very similarly. I was young during my abuse and my abuser was the same age as me. I blame my abuser and still do, but it took me a long time to be okay with that anger.

I’m so glad that you don’t hold yourself responsible, because you are not. There are a few things that I have used to help myself be okay with blaming him.

The first one is knowing that I did not want the abuse, and he did. That makes it his fault, because he did not ask me if it was okay. Even though we were way too young to know about consent, he still should have known that he needed to ask me, and I needed to be able to say no. He did not ask, and I did not feel like I could say no.

Another strategy I use is that even if he did not mean to hurt me, he did. If I accidentally bump into someone, I still bumped into them, even though I didn’t mean to. Not every case of assault is intentional. That doesn’t make it any less traumatic for the survivor. For me, I blame him for hurting me. If he didn’t mean it, okay, but he still hurt me, and I will continue to blame him. It’s not my fault, so it’s his fault.

That’s the third strategy I use. It wasn’t my fault, but I got hurt. That means it had to be someone else’s fault. And that someone else is my abuser. It’s okay to blame someone for something they did that hurt you, even if they were young. It’s okay to blame someone for something they did for any reason that you decide.

I hope this helps. If you need anything else, I’m here to talk! Sorry if I wasn’t helpful enough.

Take care of yourself. 

-Erin

beardogs asked:

I know like everyone has their club tortimer horror stories but listen like the other day i got this guy who dead ass called me sexy. like. in game. on the island. and then admitted to being 19 after I said i was 20. like. what the hell kind of sad shit are you doin with your life if you're on club tortimer calling girls sexy. As far as you know I could be literally 9 years old. can someone please get chris hansen on this shit

it still really sickens me that ppl defended elayne’s actions on the fact she is a trans woman + lesbian

ya’ll are really gonna slide the fact she showed 2 minors her tits just bc shes just like u? are u? fucking serious?

anonymous asked:

What is your opinion about why Laurent chose to sleep with Damen when he did? That Laurent went to the room and initiated it. Do you think it was simply because Damen was leaving the next day?

first of all, definitely listen to this ch 19 ‘dvd commentary’ from c.s. pacat! she shares some really interesting stuff on blocking decisions, trashed drafts, character motivations, etc. she is a DELIGHT. i don’t think i’ve ever jived quite so much w/ an author’s perspective on characterization :’)

anyway, she says, ‘i normally try and avoid [discussing characterization] because i know that readers can carry quite different versions of characters in their heads, and i like that idea that readers are constructing their own characters; i sort of think the reader’s version is precious and that the author should really stay out of it.’ 1) i LOVE…i love her….i love her attitude towards writing and towards her readership and 2) this means she comments on characterization pretty minimally, leaving room for further discussion/interpretation. which i will do under this read more!

Keep reading

nmcan asked:

Sometimes I wonder why Damen hasn't found out about what the Regent did to Laurent, but the idea is so horrible that it probably never occurred to him. What do you think Damen would do when he finds out? Do you think he would want to kill the Regent? Or wants him to suffer in some way?

damen straight-up doesn’t recognize corruption, deception, or calculation, full stop. he couldn’t put together that the regent was trying to have laurent killed, he couldn’t put together that nicaise was the regent’s pet, he didn’t realize until the LAST MOMENT that their reinforcements and nikandros’s army were one and the same…he is highly attuned to others’ feelings and physical actions but needs plans and schemes spelled out for him, sometimes repeatedly. nikandros straight up told him to be wary of kastor and damen was still shocked at the betrayal!! (but, i mean, laurent is so far on the other end of the scale that it takes him until like halfway through book 2 to actually believe damen when damen says true things! so it’s nothing against either of them. they just function best as a partnership :^) )

anyway. as far as his reaction, i feel like it’s going to be much more centered on his own relationship w/ laurent and not on the regent, honestly. i think he’ll feel immense guilt–for misjudging laurent at first, for comments and actions of his that he now realizes were hurtful or triggering, for having sex with laurent without being able to take his past experiences into account, etc. i feel like he’ll want to apologize and laurent will just be exasperated. (ex. ‘I’M SO SORRY I WASN’T MORE GENTLE’ ‘oh my god you were SO GODDAMN GENTLE, SHUT UP’)

damen definitely has a huge protective streak in him, and on some level i’m sure he’ll want to Fuck Him Up, but on the other hand, he respects laurent’s agency and ability, and i think he’ll leave that up to laurent. not only to decide what to do but also, if he wants to, to be the one to do it. or at least, i hope that’s how damen will see it. i don’t like savior narratives, and i just don’t think that would suit their relationship at all. they save each other. they have each other’s backs. it would be incongruous for damen to take it upon himself to kill the regent, even if he does have the urge to. (now, i could definitely get behind a mutually protective thing wherein damen Fucks Up the regent and laurent Fucks Up jokastor. that has an appeal.)

sheilatakesabow asked:

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT LINK NOW THAT I KNOW THERE WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING I CAN FINALLY SLEEP AT NIGHT AND STOP CRYING AND I PROBABLY WON'T DIE WAITING FOR THE THIRD BOOK. Sorry, you just made my day and possibly my year. Anyway, I don't want the regent to die immediately, I want that bastard to suffer for what he did to Laurent, and then he can die. Can you imagine Damen going after him once he finally understand what happened to Laurent?** *continues*

*continues* Or maybe Damen helping Laurent get his revenge against the Regent and then hurt/comfort comes, with Damen pouring all his love on Laurent and repeatingly telling him how sorry he is for not noticing before and maybe Laurent finally feeling free to cry as he hasn’t done since he was a child, with Damen holding him all night and telling him it’s over. OMG I JUST HAVE SO MANY DAMEN/LAURENT FEELS WHAT DO I DO WITH THEM.

t b h …..i don’t like the idea of damen comforting laurent in that way. i mean, c.s. pacat could write it absolutely any way and i would eat it tf up, but i think the time to cry has passed for laurent. that isn’t the kind of catharsis he craves or needs. he’s just been on guard for years now, never having a moment to just. be. in the moments that he does release what he’s containing inside, it’s always anger or anxiety, and i don’t really see that transforming back into sorrow (i think that’s what it was in his early/mid teens, but i think it’s gone now).

there’s that moment in chapter 21: ‘…he was a new version of himself, stripped back, youthful, a little quieter, and Damen realised he was seeing Laurent with his defences lowered–one or two of them, anyway.’ the way i see it, that’s the kind of comfort laurent deserves now. maybe once the regent is dealt with, he’ll finally be able to lower all defenses and just…live!

“who cares if teens are posting body posi pics” i do if they’re under 18 and they’re only wearing underwear. yall adults aren’t reblogging it for the same reason they posted it, i know that and you know that. i’m not saying i wanna shove a firework up your ass for being a pedophile and blaming that on a young impressionable girl, but i wanna shove a firework up your ass

HOW YOUR GRANDPARENTS’ LIVES AFFECT YOUR RESILIENCE TO STRESS -Can trauma, stress, and even nightmares be passed down from generation to generation?  Do we carry the stress our Civil War ancestors experienced? How many generations can epigenetic inheritance effect?

Gene expression—a chemical coating upon the chromosomes—is strong enough to be passed on to a third generation, which means grandchildren have “a kind of biological memory” of what their grandparents experienced, according to studies.

  • Epigenetic inheritance is an unconventional finding. It goes against the idea that inheritance happens only through the DNA code that passes from parent to offspring. It means that a parent’s experiences, in the form of epigenetic tags, can be passed down to future generations.

As unconventional as it may be, there is little doubt that epigenetic inheritance is real. In fact, it explains some strange patterns of inheritance geneticists have been puzzling over for decades. Three generations at once are exposed to the same environmental conditions (diet, toxins, hormones, etc.). In order to provide a convincing case for epigenetic inheritance, an epigenetic change must be observed in the 4th generation. 

According to the new insights of behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past, leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA. Jews whose great-grandparents were chased from their Russian shtetls; Chinese whose grandparents lived through the ravages of the Cultural Revolution; young immigrants from Africa whose parents survived massacres; adults of every ethnicity who grew up with alcoholic or abusive parents — all carry with them more than just memories.

Like silt deposited on the cogs of a finely tuned machine after the seawater of a tsunami recedes, our experiences, and those of our forebears, are never gone, even if they have been forgotten. They become a part of us, a molecular residue holding fast to our genetic scaffolding. The DNA remains the same, but psychological and behavioral tendencies are inherited. 

New Israeli study finds signs of trauma in grandchildren of Holocaust survivors Study detects unprocessed, indirect signs of post-trauma, or problems in communication and interaction systems, among second-and-third-generation descendants of Holocaust victims.  A research study at the Ruppin Academic Center argued that eating disorders among third-generation female students can be linked to eating problems suffered by their second-generation mothers, and also to the extent to which their grandparents exposed them to Holocaust realities. The study argues that these survival concerns are often passed down from generation to generation, and can now be documented among teenagers who belong to the third generation. Fears about harm being caused to their parents, or about their parents’ deaths. In addition, fears among the parents were expressed via preparation for some future calamity - parents would hoard food and other items, and would make efforts to feed their children so that they would gain weight and be immune to danger.

PHOTO:The Confederate Soldier at Fort Mahone, Battle of Petersburg, April 2,1865. Colorized by StaceyPalmer thecivilwarparlor@TUMBLR.com

http://www.haaretz.com/news/national/new-israeli-study-finds-signs-of-trauma-in-grandchildren-of-holocaust-survivors-1.424480

http://learn.genetics.utah.edu/content/epigenetics/inheritance/

http://www.fastcompany.com/3045229/how-your-grandparents-lives-affect-your-resilience-to-stress

Rare, civil war-era photo shows confederate general Robert E. Lee’s slave, Selina Gray, the pic (with two of her eight children), surfaced on eBay. 

Mary Lee (Robert’s wife) fled Arlington House in Arlington, Virginia, at the start of the Civil War. She gave Gray the keys to the mansion, and responsibility for the grand house the Lees had lived in for 30 years.

Gray is famously credited with saving numerous heirlooms from marauding Union soldiers belonging to George Washington that were stored in the house.Now the National Park Service, which administers Arlington House, has acquired what it says is a rare and previously unknown photograph of Gray and, apparently, two of her eight children. The photograph was spotted on the Internet auction site eBay by Park Service volunteer Dean DeRosa. The seller, in England, had found the photo in a box of “unwanted” pictures at a British version of a yard sale.

A Park Service statement said that its nonprofit partner, Save Historic Arlington House, bid on the photograph and, “against stiff competition,” won.

The Private Thoughts of Robert E. Lee

What were Lee’s real feelings about the Confederacy and slavery?

For her newly published biography, Reading the Man: A Portrait of Robert E. Lee Through His Private Letters, historian Elizabeth Brown Pryor draws on a cache of previously unknown Lee family papers, discovered in 2002 in two sturdy wooden trunks that Lee’s daughter stored in a Virginia bank about a century ago.

How he treated his father-in-law’s slaves-Lee’s wife inherited 196 slaves upon her father’s death in 1857. The will stated that the slaves were to be freed within five years, and at the same time large legacies—raised from selling property—should be given to the Lee children. But as the executor of the will, Lee decided that instead of freeing the slaves right away—as they expected—he could continue to own and work them for five years in an effort to make the estates profitable and not have to sell the property.

What happened after that?-Lee was considered a hard taskmaster. He also started hiring slaves to other families, sending them away, and breaking up families that had been together on the estate for generations. The slaves resented him, were terrified they would never be freed, and they lost all respect for him. There were many runaways, and at one point several slaves jumped him, claiming they were as free as he. Lee ordered these men to be severely whipped. He also petitioned the court to extend their servitude, but the court ruled against him and Lee did grant them their freedom on Jan. 1, 1863—ironically, the same day that Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation went into effect.

http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2007/06/24/the-private-thoughts-of-robert-e-lee

http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/10/10/rare-civil-war-era-photo-shows-confederate-general-robert-e-lees-slave-selina-gray/