lycordia said: *shifty eyes* Can I have Clint having to make do with gag arrows after April fools? (Either his idea or like Tony’s and he’s oblivious)
OH HELL YEA
Clint doesn’t check his quiver before they go out to the call, which is a rookie goddamn mistake, and both Cap and Coulson are going to hand his ass to him on a platter when this is all over.
Worst thing is, he doesn’t even realize there’s an issue until he’s crouched on a fire escape ten minutes after their arrival. “I’ve got three bogies headed Northeast on Fifth.”
“Pull ‘em back, Hawkeye,” Cap orders.
“You got it,” he replies, and fires the first arrow. Halfway to the target the tip explodes into a huge, ruffled pink flower. “What the—“ he splutters.
And then it hits him.
April Fool’s, two days ago. Tony presenting him with a bouquet of “specially handcrafted arrows, just for you, Robin”. Clint had nearly wet himself, cramming them into his quiver to head for the range.
His delight had been short-lived though, because as soon as the first one had exploded into a shower of glitter, he’d realized his mistake.
Clint lets out a string of colorful curses he learned from the carnies and scrabbles at his quiver, hoping that there’s at least one of his real arrows.
“Hawkeye, what’s going on?”
“Shit, shit, shit!” he snarls, because, nope, not a single one. Every one of them is marked with a sparkly banded color. “Stark, you lawless son of a bitch!”
“Hey, what’s with the unprovoked hostility?” Tony replies.
“All I’ve got are those goddamned trick arrows you made for April Fool’s!” Clint yells, and grabs one of the ones marked with yellow sparkles. He’s pretty sure that’s one of the glitter bomb ones.
He fires it to the sound of Tony delightedly squawking, “What?” over Cap’s more outraged version.
The arrow explodes, thankfully, into the predicted cloud of glitter and the three bogies skid to a stop, yelping and pawing at their eyes.
“What the hell do you mean trick arrows?” Cap demands.
“The first one I shot turned into a flower.”
Tony cackles with laughter.
“Iron Man this is not funny!” Cap snarls and Clint feels sorry for himself already. Stark’s gonna be on the chopping block with him, but this is gonna be a dressing down that smarts for weeks.
“No, no, it’s hilarious,” Tony says, earning himself a growl of anger from Steve. “You need an assist, Legolas?”
“I don’t—no, I’m handling it,” he says. One of the three bogies is managing to get the glitter out of his eyes. Clint grabs another arrow and hopes it does something useful.
It pierces straight through the guy’s shoulder, and Clint is startled momentarily. “Hey, that one wasn’t a trick arrow, what the hell, it was marked.”
Then Natasha demands, “Why is there a man down here who’s shoulder is singing Another One Bites the Dust?”
Tony laughs so hard he nearly crashes into a building.