(c)nikka

Spoilers for Chapter 147

After seijou looses to Karasuno Oikawa is a wreck. Like he puts on an act and stuff but it’s literally keeping him up at night and he’s thinking “I should’ve done better” “I could’ve done better” “what if I had practiced my receives more?” “it’s my fault we lost” “it’s all my fault” and so even though highschool volleyball is done he has a lot of offers from universities to play so he starts training again in Seijou’s gym late into the night and he’s hurting his knee and he doesn’t even care because he has. To. Be. Better. He has to make himself into a genius to keep up. He can’t lose. Not again. Oikawa even makes a conscious effort to make sure Iwaizumi doesn’t find out how badly he’s wrecking himself and with entrance exams and stuff he’s able to pretend that he’s not killing himself. So obviously one of the younger seijou members finds out eventually and they tell Iwaizumi and he’s furious. He manages to get into the gym when Oikawa is practicing and he’s about to start yelling but then it happens. Oikawa lands wrong and there’s the sound of a bad fall and he’s frozen still until Oikawa starts cursing and curling in on himself. Then Hajime is over there in seconds and he’s trying to look at Oikawa to see what’s wrong and Oikawa is crying and he ends up clutching at Iwaizumi and he’s apologizing between sobs and Iwaizumi is trying to put Oikawa in a more comfortable position and hold him while he cries. When he tries to tell Oikawa that everything will be ok the words get stuck in his throat and all he can do is hold Oikawa while he lets out all of the disappointment and anger and worthlessness that’s been festering for weeks. This was supposed to have a happy end but I’m just too upset at the moment. Forgive me.

anonymous asked:

why do u ship wincest?????????

whenever i see ppl ask this question it’s always like so shocked and appalled like how could anyone ever ship an incestuous pairing even though it’s literally one of the most popular ships in the spn fandom. like, can we please stop acting surprised that people ship sam and dean.

i understand that incest is gross and i don’t support it in real life, but there are plenty of gross things i enjoy in fiction but would never take part in in real life. separating fiction from reality is hard, yes, and i’m not going to pretend like i’m somehow better than people who can’t distinguish the difference. i, like anyone else, am capable of being affected by fiction, which is why i am careful how i talk about it and how i consume and process media in general. i mostly enjoy wincest privately and not on this blog.

but anyway, i ship wincest because there’s like….boat loads of canon evidence for sam and dean being in a grossly codependent relationship that’s been mistaken as romantic time and time again. they clearly love each other more than they love anybody else, to the point where they stopped the apocalypse with the power of their love. i mean, jesus christ, even if you don’t ship them romantically can’t you at least enjoy how broken and messed up and amazing their relationship is?

but not only that, there’s also things like zachariah saying that they’re erotically codependent on one another, sam calling dean a “male model type” when he couldn’t remember who he was, dean smacking sam’s ass and calling him “honey” when they’re mistaken as a couple. most of the time when i think about wincest, i’m not really thinking about them having sex. i’m thinking about the small things—messing with each other and flirting and having dumb crushes. (wait am i talking about wincest or cockles.) i actually stopped reading wincest fan fiction because it was all so sad, and i want sam and dean to have a happy, healthy relationship WAY more than i want them to fuck each other. 

but wait til you hear i ship jaime and cersei, too, anon.