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hello! i love your posts, thanks for sharing them =] i just read your post about girls heading towards an eating disorder… and i feel like i’m heading in that direction =/ and i was wondering how did you stop yourself? cuz i don’t want to be like this, i don’t want to feel bad for eating, i really don’t want to keep thinking like this… i feel like i can’t stop thinking like this. it’s really bad cuz i really hate myself after i eat even if it’s just a little.. and i really don’t want to be like this. i feel like i can’t stop thinking like a person with an eating disorder because my family constantly brings me down and criticizes me about my looks and i just want to be good enough for them. i also compare myself to all those skinny models and i wish i was built like them, i know i shouldn’t be doing that but i can’t help it.. can you plz give me some advice? i really don’t want to think like this and be like this ne more. i don’t want my little cousins or my friends to worry about me… i just want to be happy with myself and have “normal” eating habits. i don’t know if i have an eating disorder yet but i know i’m heading there… plz help…

Sorry, this is going to be long:

Finding the right therapist is important. I spent a lot of time in Inpatient and Partial hospitalization programs before I went to this residential program where I finally met the psychologist who helped me. I don’t know if you are seeing a therapist right now, but that is something I would encourage you to look into. They don’t necessarily need to specialize in eating disorders; my current psychologist specializes in anxiety, but it might help since there is so much ignorance about EDs. Eating disorders are never *really* about the food or *really* about a desire to be thin. There are all sorts of underlying issues, including chemical ones like depression and anxiety disorders, so a psychiatrist may also be needed. If you tell your therapist, doctor, or perhaps even a school guidance counselor what is going on, they should be able to refer you to people that can help. There are also websites where you can get referrals.

Now, one important thing my treatment has drilled into me is that “should is shaming.” Do not be ashamed because you “should not”, but rather try to understand why you are thinking these thoughts and acting as you are. Chances are you have needs that are not being met. It sounds like one of them is that your family isn’t giving you the acceptance and positive support that you both need and deserve. That is terrible that they criticize you. Perhaps if you tell them that it hurts you things could get better? If they refuse to change then it probably has a lot more to do with their own unresolved issues than you. Try to shut them out (I know, easier said than done) and concern yourself more with your cousins and friends who are a more positive influence. You do not have to do anything to be good enough for someone else, nor does your worth reside in your appearance.

Self-esteem sounds like it will be an important thing for you; it was for me. For me, the key was discovering my passion for literature; it gave me something to stay alive for; it gave me a goal. If you don’t have a passion, I would recommend trying different things until you find it. Doing things will give you things to be proud of.

Haha I get jealous of the models too, but try focusing on what makes you happy and what good qualities you do have rather then on what you don’t. I often find myself negatively comparing myself to others, but in the end I know it isn’t worth it to try to make myself like them. After all, if I were tall I would want to be short and if I were stick thin I would want curves if I had straight hair I would want wavy. Many people want what they can’t have. I’m sure there are people who are envious of your physical traits as well - not that it is the physical traits that matter most. You sound very caring, and that is one of the traits I admire most in people. Everytime you go to eat, I would suggest focusing on the people you love and the the things you love to do.

Now to the practical. One important tool is a meal plan. Tell yourself I HAVE to eat x number of calories a day (it should never ever be less than 1200…your metabolism shuts down at a certain point anyways). For info on meal plans: http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/mealplans.html

Weight Watcher point plans could also be helpful. If you *do* want to lose weight I have a friend who lost 30 lbs on that plan and kept it off using their maintenance plan. She is skinny, but still healthy. Although I would wager that you don’t actually need to lose weight, I would rather tell you how to do it the healthy way if it will help you.

I still struggle a lot with the thoughts. They may never go away. But you CAN fight them. What I do is remind myself of what I want in life and the fact that I HAVE to eat in order to do it. Eating is a necessary action. Refusing to do so damages not just your body, but your mind. I eventually lost the ability to perform higher brain functions, such as those necessary for essay writing or even memory retention. Even those take calories to work. Thus, even when the thoughts are the worst, I go through the motions and eat anyways. I hope that once the underlying issues are addressed that you will be able to enjoy food, but for now the important thing is to just make sure you eat enough to stay a part of the world.

If you can figure out what else is causing your eating disorder: what hurt feelings, unmet needs, and other emotional illnesses are at work, you can start to fight the eating disorder. It will probably be a complicated knot, but I believe you can untie it. The right therapist can help. If you try one that isn’t helpful, try another. Having a support system will help. If you feel you can tell some family members and friends, I encourage you to do so. They love you and want you to stay with them.

And of course, if you need any clarification (sorry this is so long), support, or you want to talk about any of the things behind the eating problems, feel free to write me something here again. Websites like this are helpful: http://www.joyproject.org/

Keep fighting, you seem to have the true beauty that resides within. *hugs* <3

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