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(Population: America, or, The Boon of the Oil Gods [Oil Gods being a Valhalla like hall full of dinosaur fossils who genuinely appreciate America’s love of oil and have rewarded us with more oil than we’ll ever know what to do with.]

Scott, Shira and I were talking about current events and I made a joke about the japanese radiation water mixing with the gulf’s oil water, we realized the future.

Once the two polluted waters mix, they’ll sprout power crystals from the remains of bleached coral reef.

The powercystals growths will be cyclopian mountains covered with insanely awesome powercrystals trees, trees that contain power crystals. Deep in the heart of each powercrystals tree lies a power crystal, a crystal so powerful it is the way of life in America. Manifest Destiny.

The energies created by the powercrystals generate a force field over America and Puerto Rico, who finally appreciate America and realize they are totally getting hooked up. Hawaii has a force field too, but it’s an older version. Alaska just gets what we give them.

Nothing comes in or out of the force field, nothing except a power crystal. By brandishing your power crystal you can walk through the force field and carry a couple of back packs.

There won’t be any raisins in America after the forcefield, just fresh grapes that turn into little bottles of wine after a while.

Each power crystal is unique to one person. When you turn 13 you embark on a voyage to the powercrystals, those cyclopian behemoths out in the sea. You voyage through the powercrystals trees forests until you find your power crystal, embedded deep in the heart of it’s tree.

Then you punch your power crystal and roar because you’re so pumped.

Some people never get a power crystal, and when they hit their middle aged crisis they end up buying shitty plastic crystals with LEDs on the inside, and everybody knows that they aren’t real power crystals. When confronted with this fact, these people tell you that you don’t have the latest model power crystal. There are no models to power crystals.

I’m going to use some of my fortunes in being of the first profiteers of the Power Crystal War (It was against Canada, they were jealous of our power crystals. The power crystals were the final straw after centuries of us being way cool. They all tried to rush our force field but just slammed into it) to found a city called Salem. It’s going to be in the Massachusetts Bay area, but closer to Boston than the current Salem is.