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listening to old ani and painting. tis a good, good night.

So you read how it started.   And below you will read what I thought 1 year in.  But before, I must say, that 2 years in, it gets better every day.  Thanks to YOU.  All of your energies, comments, support, sweat, smiles, grimaces, notes, and more help me make I.AM.YOU. better.  Better, fuller, more dynamic, more versatile.  So thank YOU, I.AM.YOU.-ers, for making a dream come true, and making it better every single day.

One Year Tells All

A little over a year ago, my life was different. I scrambled out of the house every morning in the dark, threw on mascara in the backseat of a cab, and made my way to the mayhem of the trading floor. Now, I wake up, throw on some Lululemon, and head to a yoga mat. You may recall, I’m the one who went to a yoga class, skeptical, at the suggestion of my annoyingly skinny boyfriend, and then promptly quit my job on Wall Street to open my own yoga studio, I.AM.YOU. on Mulberry Street. Well, Oliver asked me to give the Year One retrospective, and so I’ve compiled the lows, the highs, and the small miracles….

First, the numbers. In the last 15 months, I’ve taught 91 classes to 4,000 students across six different countries, with 40 original music mixes. I’ve hand washed 4,500 mats, and hand folded 5,000 towels. I’ve done 1,680 pounds of mat dry cleaning, and mopped up about 100 gallons of sweat, maybe more. It’s more than I ever thought possible, and it makes me smile.

It hasn’t always been pretty. There was the day that I slipped in a puddle of sweat on the floor, landed flat on my ass legs in the air, literally unable to sit the next day. Then there was the day someone got up for another towel, accidently kicking me in the face, bruising me for a week. And then the day I had to carry 140 pounds of mats five blocks to JK Cleaners because it was too cold for their employees to walk outside no matter how much I offered them. Those days have caused me to shake my head, mumble some, and wish for a moment I could zone out for just a few minutes in front of a computer screen, ignoring what I should be doing, or just waiting for someone to tell me what to do.

Yes, my new job is sometimes just a job, like all the rest, but it’s also very different. Every day someone comes to I.AM.YOU., tries yoga for the first time, and falls in love — to the sweat, the music, the breathing. Each day, the smile on a student’s face who manages to touch their toes for the first time reminds me of myself, in the mesh basketball shorts, hitting my own toes that first time. The sexy saunter of a student who has reached a weight loss goal always takes me back to the first time I felt rockin’ in my skin. The twinkle in a student’s eyes as she writes down a song she’s heard for the first time takes me back to my first CDs. Every day someone dedicates themself to being a better person, and every day somehow that happens — and this inspires another class, another music mix, another student, and the student in me.  

Then there are the fabulous fringe benefits. I can take my job from the lawns and roofs of Manhattan to the urban chaos of Madrid and Bogota, to the sun of Miami and Turkey. I can work together with my boyfriend, a.k.a. (dj)vintaj, who is the genius behind all of I.AM.YOU.’s music. I can practice yoga multiple times a day, (although I’ve learned that this can lead me to look like G.I. Jane).  I can spend hours in the market and experiment with recipes to pass on to my “nourishment” students.

And, most amazing, I’ve found I can make a living. I’ll be honest, when I quit Wall Street to launch I.AM.YOU., I was  concerned that my $3.25 daily almond croissant habit would be history. But apparently Oprah is right, when you really love what you do, it does sort of work itself out. Maybe even with a cappuccino on the side.

So, the summary of year one? Lot’s of sweat, and lot’s of blessings, the biggest of which have been my students and friends. They have pushed and supported me, as a yogi, a business person, a foodie, a music lover, and a girlfriend.

So, skipping Wall Street for Mulberry Street? It’s a trade I would do again in a New York minute.

1.  I’m finding it really difficult to focus today. It’s making me feel like I’m bad at my job when I know this isn’t true. I have a lot of guilt/issues associated with work ethic-being perceived as lazy or incompetent. On days (or weeks in my case at the moment) where work is difficult for me, I feel like it’s obvious to everyone that I’m not cutting it. I get paranoid and moody. And this doesn’t help me focus anymore.

2. I’m getting attached to stupid things about my current apartment. The walls and ceiling of my current bedroom. The couch that belongs to our landlady and so is staying with the apartment. And last night I was cooking and I was momentarily overcome with the sensation of missing my kitchen, the counter where I chop veggies, the window and where I have my plant hanging over the counter.  Who does this? Who gets emo about standing in a room you haven’t left yet when you are moving to a place you know you will likely get just as attached to?  I literally had to think through all the reasons we are moving and remind myself that it will be worth it. 

3. I’m craving sunshine and spring so hard it’s painful.  It’s fucking gloomy out today and I know it’s a cliche, but I seriously want to go home and sleep until nightfall. I want dark. I want rain. If it’s not going to be sunny, it’s like I cannot even face the day.