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Guys

Can we talk about Loras’ request for Margaery to marry Joffrey and how he wasn’t made a member of the Kingsguard?

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How do you keep your hair so flawless and curly and perfect in a fucking helmet

Oh come on Brienne you only knew Renley for like 30 minutes

Just… wasted an entire day to Game of Thrones on HBO. …And ordered the books.

but

there i was

watching a battle unfold

i think i might have been eating something

probably my own hand

or a mozzarella stick that appeared out of thin air

a gift from bby jeebus himself

he presented it with me to watch my game of gay

game of thrones i mean

it has been less gay since the homo king, receiver of armpit hair care attention and casual bj’s was killed from some evil warlock shit that literally clawed it’s way out of a vagina

like srsly

as if he wasn’t already scared enough of those things as it is 

the mere mention of the word ‘labia’ in the afterlife causes him to wet his ghostly pants - which is unfotuante because he’s just been watching Loras sob into his pillow like a teenage girl that has been broken up with

EXCEPT HE WASN’T BROKEN UP WITH

HIS ONE TRUE LOVE HAS BEEN STOLEN AWAY

ALL THANKS TO EVIL VAGINAS HELL BENT ON DESTRUCTION

that dastardly vagina demon can’t even comprehend the love and anal penetration that went on between them

THEIR BUTT INTERCOURSE WAS THE STUFF LOVE SONGS WERE MADE OUT OF

the cock gobbling that happened when they were ~praying~ is so pure and beautiful, even the devil himself was brought to tears

good going, vaginas

you broke up the devil’s pairing, even the dark lord himself hates you and your non erect ways

okay so anyway what I’m sayin is that there has been a lack of gay, but it’s okay because of sansa and all my home gurls 

so there i am eating some bread sticks or some shit - I’m sure the heavens beamed down some sort of snack for me

and all of a sudden

this dude bursts in

and it’s like, rude - she was just about to murder her child bro

AND THEN HE WHIPS OFF HIS HELMET

AND I LITERALLY SCREAMED “LORASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”

and my mom started laughing

THIS IS NOT A JOKE

DO YOU SEE THAT FUCKING ARMOR

I WILL SLAP YOUR EYES CROOKED, HOLY FUCKING BALLS LORAS

and she was all “I wouldn’t have recognized him if you hadn’t had yelled his name”

I’d recognize that curly headed fuck anywhere

he just exudes this air of fabulousness 

and rainbows shoot out his ass occasionally

and then i said “I screamed out his name, just like he shouts out Renly’s name in bed”

and my mom goes “not anymore, he’s dead”

and that was the night I killed my mother by punching her straight in the face