That’s what it feels like! Every time I reach true conscious understanding of a concept, I experience this strange tickling sensation in my head. It feels like my mind is literally rearranging itself to incorporate the new understanding. All I am doing is adding some new knowledge, but my mind changes itself completely with every single new bit of information, allowing for instant application of both new and long understood information. It may not make much sense, but there is a HUGE difference. Instead of being exactly who I was 10 minutes ago, with the newly added understanding, I become a completely different person. My understanding of one concept changes and adds to my understanding of everything else. Its insane. Its fucking awesome. I can COMPLETELY change who I am if I grasp an important new concept.
I still feel like my explanation hasn’t done this capability of my broken mind justice, but thats the way it is with all this shit. I can’t even begin to explain what this sort of fragmentation feels like to someone who has never experienced it. Just how the living cannot truly picture what it means to be dead, the sane cannot truly picture what it means to be insane.
I try to explain things, but just can’t find the words. The concept makes perfect sense to me, but as soon as I try to explain it to others, the words just disappear. My mind doesn’t want me talking to others. I don’t know if this is caused by the real-me as a strike at the fragments, or vice-versa. All I do know is that it makes it extremely difficult to communicate with others when I cannot even begin to explain my state of mind, which is crucialto explaining whatever concept I have grown to understand.
Here I am, still not making any sense. I’m gonna go now.
