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  1. 4
    thestepsofthepalace:
    • Mollie: I think the snapping turtles on campus have been eating the goslings lately actually
    • Me: but... is Ryan ok?
    #I think I'm hilarious
     
  2. 4
    screaming-electron:
    Whispered it slowly, intimately.

    “I’m going to fuck you in the butt,” Darci whispered into Brooke’s ear as she tugged down Brooke’s pantaloons with a force best reserved for not tearing people’s pants off.

    Brooke’s only response was a low, soft moan, her body quivering with a desire and need Darci had never seen before. It caused Darci’s lip to curl into a sneer as she reached beneath the bed and pulled out the 12 inch dildo from its hiding place. 

    She was prepared, after all.

    Ask screaming-electron a question #eldritchseer
     
  3. 2
    eldritchseer:
    Lemmie see your sexy body bby ;)
    Anonymous

    image

    THIS IS TECHNICALLY A PICTURE WITH MY BODY IN IT. 

    Ask eldritchseer a question #Anonymous #gpoy
     
  4. 4
    THE WHOLE RAINBOW.
    Anonymous

    • Purple: 10 facts about my room.
    1. -There’s a TV in it that doesn’t actually connect to anything
    2. -It’s one of the 2 singles in the house with a walk-in closet
    3. -My fridge is TECHNICALLY too big to be allowed but nobody’s fined me for it
    4. -It’s a lot cleaner because marlena ILU
    5. Hanging on my wall is some painted bricks from a set I helped build
    6. Those bricks have some of my blood on it from an accident with a staple remover
    7. I have a bunch of toy dinosaurs!
    8. My window has to be kept closed 9-5 because of construction on the house
    9. There’s still a rogue cricket somewhere in here
    10. There’s a lot of red shit on the walls from touching my red hair then touching the walls that I have to clean if I don’t want to get fined for it. :/
    • Blue: 9 facts about my family.
    1. We are absurdly Irish
    2. Almost all of us are stoners, or at least smoke pot regularly
    3. There’s a major history of alcoholism
    4. I never knew my grandfathers
    5. We’re literally all ABSURD animal people
    6. My niece makes fun of me already. She’s 5.
    7. I’m the shortest (adult) person in my family by 3 inches.
    8. We’re so sarcastic we’ve scared away potential romantic partners when they meet everyone at once.
    9. Everyone on my branch of the family tree (my, my sisters, my in-laws) have a significant diagnosable physical or mental issue.
    • Green: 8 facts about my body.
    1. OBVIOUS ONE: My 5th metatarsal is fractured
    2. I have mild scholiosis
    3. I have a LOT of scars
    4. My feet point out at 90-degree angles from each other
    5. I have insanely weak hips
    6. I used to be an A-cup, but then I gained weight, lost it, and my boobs never got smaller
    7. Honestly, I have a CHOICE ass
    8. One of my eyes has this patch of yellowgreen at the top of it that’s really cool.
    • Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood.
    1. Until I was 12 I always had one of my (adult) sisters living in the next room
    2. When I was a kid I wanted to be like 24 different professions and my parents just kinda rolled with it
    3. I never had any sort of nintendo system other than a gameboy
    4. My best friend and I would make-believe we were both Coco from the Crash Bandicoot series
    5. For some reason I thought salt and lemon cancelled each other out?
    6. I was really REALLY obsessed with the Titanic
    7. Rapidash has basically always been my favorite pokemon.
    • Orange: 6 facts about my home town.
    1. It is Los Angeles
    2. I dislike it
    3. I grew up down the street from Houdini’s house
    4. One of the last times it snowed there was a week after my dad was born
    5. Because of my home town, I’d never seen snow fall from the sky until I was 18 years old
    6. Uhhh shows are filmed there?
    • Red: 5 facts about my best friend. One fact about 5 of my best friends
    1. He has an encyclopedic knowledge of pokemon like omg. 
    2. We HATED each other in kindergarten, but have been super close since 1st grade
    3. She has a Harry Potter tattoo and I’m so jealous
    4. He has the most surprising capacity to grow a beard of anybody I know
    5. They are about as likely to literally sue psych services as I am right now.
    • Pink: 4 facts about my parents.
    1. My dad directed the pilot of The Amanda Show, and thought up the dancing lobsters
    2. My parents are 13 years apart
    3. My dad was so close to getting drafted for Vietnam, and if so would have moved to Canada
    4. My mom is one of the best straight allies I know
    • White: 3 facts about my personality.
    1. Someone’s personality (with exceptions) will be significantly redeemed to me if they end up being as big an animal person as I am
    2. I tend to overexert myself caring about my friends’ issues
    3. I wear my guilt like a SCUBA diving weight belt at all times
    • Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things.
    1. Baby animals are the best.
    2. It is green and easily available to me in California
    • Black: 1 fact about the person I like.
    1. I’ve farted on him more than he knows. 
    Ask eldritchseer a question #Anonymous
     
  5. 4
    vondell-swain:

    popsiclerain said: Do you not have a car?

    I don’t even have a drivers’ license

    I got my temps in 2010 and then took my test once and failed the maneuverability portion and then for whatever reason I haven’t been behind the wheel of a car since

    now my temps are expired and I have to do the whole thing again and I haven’t had any motivation to

     
  6. 1
    eldritchseer:
    ASSEMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    #mental health avengers #lol fuck everything
     
  7. 3
    True friendship is (apparently) putting on Taylor Swift and letting your friend clean your messy-ass room when she's in a shitty mood.
    #I despise taylor swift #<33333 #inastateofwishing
     
  8. 3
    • Jay: *starts wrapping iPod/phone charger around his head
    • Me: Jay... What are you doing. Jay, you are stoned. Jay.
    • Jay: *carries on*
    • Me: WHAT are you doing.
    • Jay: Being important.
    #jay what #transexualpervert #to be fair he was also talking about really cute sweet things #and offering to help me move back home for the summer cuz I'll still have trouble walking #but jay really wtf
     
  9. 36,380
    who-let-the-nerds-out reblogged tittybender:

    pizzaforpresident:

    I washed my snuggie and hung it up in my room to dry and almost had a heart attack when I woke up this morning

    Source: pizzaforpresident
    #hail satan
     
  10. 2
    homeontheburrow:
    YOU FOLLOW MY GIRLFRIEND ON TUMBLR?! Mooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm. *facepalm*

    I stalk all my children equally!

    Ask homeontheburrow a question