there is nothing i can say right now that i haven’t already said. i’m not making resolutions today, to try to make myself believe next year will be better, different, cooler…
this year i want to be better. me. not the year. i don’t want to try to control outside sources, or tell the universe i know what’s best. i don’t know anything.
i do know i am not my best self. i am depressed, i am not eating right or taking care of myself. i am deeply unhappy and therefore i hate everyone else. it’s got to stop.
yes, i have goals for this year. but they are not goals about 2013, they are goals about bettering myself. places i want to move, grad school… these things will happen regardless of the year. they can happen sooner or later than i think. i am relinquishing control, because i never had it. none of us ever did.
last year i told scott i’d be spending new years eve in bed with a good book and some tea. and then for a moment it looked like i wouldn’t. but i am… i am, i am, i am.
2013, for me, is going to be the year of self care. physical, emotional, spiritual well being. that it all. no bells or whistles. just me, a mermaid, figuring it all out.
have a happy, safe, special new year everyone. i love you.