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      mattbelly:

      the creepiest cats of ok cupid

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        I think a lot about cancer now.

        I didn’t for a long time. I don’t remember being scared as I drove those four hours back to Philadelphia to be home when she got her results. I do remember when she and dad came home and told us it was cancer, nodding and saying, “Okay, what’s next?” because reacting any other way didn’t seem natural to me. I don’t recognize a lot of strengths in myself, but this was one of them. When the world falls apart, I clap my hands together, ask how we can make it all easier, and try to crack a joke to make everyone smile again.

        I didn’t read anything about cancer. Whatever story someone had to tell had nothing to do with my story, or my mother’s. Theirs was theirs, ours was ours. I don’t regret this because it was my way of survival. I was optimistic because her doctors were optimistic, so I didn’t need anyone telling me “it’ll be okay,” or, “so-and-so beat it, so your mom will, too.” I appreciated people’s support, of course, but those words were encouraging pats on the back while I was riding a bucking bronco; I was too busy hanging on else to really notice.

        I went to her first day of chemotherapy. I had been imagining a cold hospital room with beeping machines and that lingering scent that every room seems to have, a mix of disinfectant and tears. And old people. Instead, it was a bright room with tons of windows where all the patients sat together. There were nooks of two or more chairs. The nurses were really nice. Mom had hair.

        Next time I came home, mom was wearing a scarf on her head. She took it off to reveal a nearly bald head. There were some long, thin strands that were clinging to her scalp. I begged her to shave it (“Mom, you look like a terrifying mummy, and that’s not supposed to be funny word play. Shave it.”) but she refused. “They’re survivors,” she explained. “Why would I reject the parts of me that are surviving?”

        I never thought of it that way before. My mom has a way of doing that. Of taking what I know and flipping it, putting it on its bald head.

        It took me years to read anything about cancer, and still now, it’s selective. I took me years to read a new book by one of my favorite authors (and yes, waiting to read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green was well worth it, what an incredible story). A few years ago, I couldn’t have sold jewelry that had painted pink ribbons all over it, or talked to the customers about their stories. 

        But now I think about cancer and I feel more afraid for mom now than I did when she “had” cancer. They don’t really use the “remission” word anymore, but she’s been doing well for a while. But I feel more anxious about her appointments and tests than before. I reconsider before I order soy, and I think “ORGANIC!” when I go grocery shopping because if it gives me a .01% less chance of getting mom’s disease, then it seems worth it. 

        When it comes to cancer, I still don’t like hearing other people’s stories. Maybe that makes me selfish, but if being selfish keeps me going, then so be it. The only story that matters to me is my mom’s. And she’s a survivor.

        And she always will be.

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          I always forget to look up in our office elevator.

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            Our kids will use eyeball chips to watch this new Carter baby marry Kim and Kanye's baby in a ceremony on the moon when we are old.
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              soon

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                I KNEW WHEN THEY SAID HE WASN’T COMING BACK FOR THE FINALE THAT IT WAS A LIE BECAUSE HOW CAN YOU END THIS WITHOUT A GLIMPSE OF MICHAEL SCOTT? FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, MICHAEL HIRED MOST OF THESE PEOPLE! THINK ABOUT THAT: IF IT WEREN’T FOR BONE-HEADED MICHAEL, DWIGHT WOULDN’T HAVE MET ANGELA. JIM WOULDN’T HAVE MET PAM. THESE LIVES WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THE SAME IF MICHAEL HADN’T BEEN THE BOSS. IT WAS THE PERFECT BALANCE OF SAYING GOODBYE TO ALL THE OTHER CHARACTERS AND TREATING US TO A BIT OF THE MICHAEL SCARN SWAGGER. AND YES: THIS DESERVES CAPSLOCK UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

                SO MANY PICTURES OF HIS KIDS, HE HAS TWO PHONES. THE FAMILY PLAN. 

                I MEAN, COME ON!!!!!!!!!!! <3<3<3

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                  'The Office' Series Finale - Quick Reaction

                  It’s been a long and, as of lately, uneven road for ‘The Office’. Fittingly, its series finale was largely representative of these recent struggles. But damn if it didn’t pay tribute to the show’s beauty and nuance over the last nine years.

                  Series finales are of course a tricky thing and rarely wholly satisfy the audience. Tonight, ‘The Office’ wisely forwent major plotting in order to give every character their fitting end. For some of the characters this was an excellent, touching service. Anger at how quickly they could dispose of Kevin turned to joy as they redeemed him with a new career. Stanley, Dwight and Oscar all got to pursue their dreams. As did Andy, in a strained yet fine redemption of a character that was practically decimated. (Though the viral star story seemed to broad and vague for the limited time it was given.) Pam finally makes it up to Jim after an elapsed period of time, though how she got to the point of being able to move on was pretty much glossed over.

                  On the other hand, certain character endings felt forced and unnecessary. Erin’s birth parents come ex machina to round out an aspect of her character I’m sure you forgot about. (Casting Ed Begley Jr and Joan Cusack was also distracting.) Though it was somewhat amusing, I didn’t need to see Ryan and Kelly go for it one more time — and mostly just felt bad for the kid that ended up with Nellie. Too much time was spent on these characters that were already long gone.

                  And then there’s Michael. Steve Carell’s cameo was one of the biggest things this finale got right. So right, in fact. From his two lines of dialogue (of course ‘that’s what she said’), to the brief glimpses into his current life. It was minor yet pitch perfect. It in no way ruined his last episode and only enhanced this finale. His final “That’s What She Said” may be the most memorable part of this episode.

                  The time jump, though not a misstep, seemed like a bit of backwards engineering to get to the wedding and the remaining characters to a place where they could move on. A parade of parties is nice when you want to see all the characters together at once, but it shined a light on the writers pulling the strings.

                  Addressing the documentary head on and having the characters discuss how it impacted their lives was superb though. It was the kind of interaction with the doc I wish they had been doing more of all season. Regardless, it brought things appropriately full circle and created some genuinely stirring, deeply emotional call backs and statements on what the series stood for. It all amounted to something.

                  Which is why I’m lamenting the fact that this series finale compared to the pantheon of great finales seemed devoid of that iconic moment. I’m referring to the one memorable image that most great finales have. Sam Malone shutting off the lights. Tony and his family at the diner. Chandler, Ross, Monica, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe all dropping off their keys on the counter. Where is ‘The Office’ finale’s memorable shot? Is it Pam taking the painting off the wall? Is it the reveal of the mural? (Which didn’t linger long enough in my opinion.) Or was it Michael appearing in the door way and saying ‘that’s what she said’? The feelings were all there definitely, but maybe ‘The Office’s iconic finale moment wasn’t in the finale. Maybe it was Michael taking off his mic and asking if the doc would ever air? Or perhaps Jim proposing at a gas station in the rain? Or Jim and Pam’s first kiss?

                  As the finale more than showed, ‘The Office’s legacy will likely be none of these and all of these — a collection of beautiful moments both big and small.

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                      g1988:

                      One of our favorite images from the Bad Robot show is now a limited edition giclee print. Only 35 made, and only $35. It’s signed and numbered by the artist, Cudly Rigor Mortis, and we love it.

                      http://nineteeneightyeight.com/products/cuddly-rigor-mortis-9-22-04-815-print

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