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Perhaps I have been sheltered.  I attended an all-girls high school and a ridiculously liberal college (“I can’t decide whether on my resume I should put as my objective ‘End racial hatred’ or ‘Obtain equality for all sexual orientations’” [actual quote!]).  Law school, although filled with some of the biggest d-bags and a-holes you will ever meet, is so grade and Socratic-method oriented that there is not much space for the ad hominum insult or shout-down which tend to be the favored method of debate among jerks.  I went to law school because I have a need to be right and in charge.  Law firm work was fine for this, but I needed to be even righter and even more in-chargey, so I got a job for Uncle Sam and you HAVE to listen to him or he’ll put you in JAIL!

All this is to say that, while I have certainly heard about it, I have had the good fortune not to have experienced many situations where my opinion is either not respected, or not even acknowledged, just because I am female.  All this changed, though, once I started attending The Issues You Don’t Talk About Cafe, a political discussion “meetup.”  I’d say the meetup is probably 75% male, and the females in attendance tend to be fairly quiet.  A lot of times I go with my boyfriend.  Both of us are loud and opinionated at the group, although his voice is louder than mine.  When I say something, though, it gets a completely different reception than when he says something.   What I say is either dismissed without argument, or (the most frustrating of all) just ignored.  What he says is met by the men in the group basically crapping themselves with amazement at his brilliance.  And it’s not the content!  Because sometimes HE just says the same goddamn thing I just said!  In fact, sometimes I write him a note or whisper to him to say something and he does and it’s met with worship! 

So, this one time this asshole was making the Obama - Hitler comparison (I bet now you are thinking “well, yogisarah, these people are idiots, that’s obviously the problem.”  And you may be right, but sometimes we have to engage idiots in dialogue, right?)  Anyway, he was making this comparison and I said “If you are going to make a historical comparison you cannot make it in a historical vacuum.  Are you saying the Bush Administration was like the Wiemar Republic?”  (Because, the thing that drives me INSANE about any Hitler comparison (besides its obvious ridiculousness) is that there were specific events that allowed Hitler to rise to power that every single educated person knows about and I don’t think you can just invoke his name to mean “someone who I don’t like”)  Anyway, this asshole starts LAUGHING derisively and says “I think you’re taking this too far” and doesn’t even respond.  Dude, if my boyfriend had said that though….  Different story.

This Saturday my boyfriend and I went to this art auction at the Thrid Degree Glass Factory and we were looking at this hack-y advertising-looking “photo collage” that was for sale and suddenly one of the main offenders (not the Hitler guy though) from the meetup comes over and starts drooling all over my boyfriend.  It turns out he made the collage.  He completely ignores me and starts chatting up bf about the meetup and then bf says “remember Sarah?” and he looks confused.  He looks fucking confused!  I just fucking SCHOOLED this guy not two weeks ago.   I have been to just as many meetups as bf and have run my mouth just as much.  But I have been completely invisible to this motherfucker.  Goddamn it was a terrible feeling.  I made some snotty comment and walked off, because if ACTIVE aggression isn’t going to work on these assholes I guess I’m going to have to go PASSIVE.  Then they can complain about how women never tell you anything straight up.

FUCK!

This morning, like most Fridays, I take my daughters to breakfast before school (the boy hangs at home with mom. No preschool on Fridays)

My oldest is now 10. And these days she is selling me hard on why she wants a phone.

This morning was no different.

I’m not ready to give her one yet. And i gave her my reasons.

Then she asked “dad, when did you get your first phone?”

I replied, “I didn’t get one until I was 22”

She laughed “hey, tell me the truth!”

I say “I am. Really”

She pipes back “I’m gonna ask grandma when she first bought you a phone”

I then say “look, Sophia, they didn’t even have cell phones when I was your age”

Her reply - “no way”

Lee is on the way to a job interview so be thinking of him and send some positive vibes on over!

I know. No one wants to hear it anymore.  I am mostly just melancholy, with a heavy dash of surly, but rarely do I get really, really, unspeakably angry.  Like can’t see straight angry.  Or going off on someone in a very scary, very hurtful way, where I can imagine every word I say coming out of my mouth going into his ears and every time he tries to speak getting to say things like ‘hey you dumb motherfucker, i’m talking, you shut the fuck up, cocksucker.”  I mean crazy angry.  Like 10 years ago angry.  Like throw a 24 inch crescent wrench at someone angry.

I got that angry the other day.  It was the first time I’d been that angry in a long time.  And it was the first time I understood outsourcing to India, because I wanted to wrap my hands around this prick’s neck and throttle the life out of him and if he were in the US, I could be at his house within a few hours.

Of course all of my yelling and anger was totally pointless and stupid because things are still fucked up.

So all that being said, the rant in question.

Children avert your eyes…

1) AT&T you can go fuck yourself, you fucks, if I wanted a fucking Indian guy to tell me to calm down when I am clearly yelling at him about how fucking incompetent he is, I’d go to an Indian restaurant and at least get a Mango Lassi out of it, and then when he tells me to calm down, I can break the glass over his fucking face and stab him in the neck with the shards.

2) while you’re at it, motherfuckers, why don’t you take Windows “I’m a piece of fucking shit” Vista with you and you two can go have a shit-tastic time being fucking pricks together, eating a big bag of dicks, and generally fucking sucking.

OH, before anyone can get on their high horse about my problem being a PC, I also have a Mac, so zip it.

The only upside to the current goings on is that if that fucking paperclip popped up at any time I would have fucking lost it like DE-STROY fucking fire breathing T-Rex murderous rampage.  Orphan killing and kitten smashing rampage.  Which I didn’t have to do.  Which is good.

I’d rather not revisit my early 20’s.

On a whim, I decided to follow a link to see what Andy McCarthy was saying about Attorney General Eric Holder, who testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee today. I made it no further than the second sentence where he indignantly corrects Holder for referring to The “tragic shooting” at Ft. Hood:

What happened at Ft. Hood was a jihadist massacre — a terrorist act, not a tragedy.

Dear lord. These people are so hungry for a terrorist enemy to aggrandize and use as a justification for their warmongering, they’re willing to use this sad, deranged lunatic, born in Virginia but who also happens to have been Muslim and righteously confused about religion and war.

I remember wondering what the bootlicking islamophobic terrormongers were going to do once Cheney wasn’t steering the good ship Alarmism anymore. What disgusting horseshit.

And I didn’t even get to the part where our willingness to apply our system of justice to the 9/11 perpetrators is somehow playing into their hands.

I realize none of this is news. It’s just depressing me is all.