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On my first date with Adam, we talked about creating the world you want to live in and one of the things I remember him saying was “change your head”.  In all honesty, I’ve been in a bit of a stress related funk as I started to take on this wedding planning.  Although the well wishes and congratulations have been so genuine and heartfelt, the unsolicited advice has been nerve wrecking. Then the pressure of picking out just ONE DRESS that totally captures who I am and how I want to look. And having a party that feels like us as a couple and works with a budget.  All that on top of my werewolf phase was a recipe for major unhappiness.

But that’s not me! I am a happy girl, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get myself back to that zone of feeling good. CHANGE YOUR HEAD, JESS! So today I bought a Jack Canfield book and I already feel better! And I went shopping and had coffee and thanked all the hobos who told me I was beautiful (a compliment is a compliment!). Nothing is standing the way of your happiness.

Today we drove to the little country town my grandmother lives in for a festival and I cleared a small space for her to sit up front, next to me (sometimes passengers have to sit between the car seats in the back as it can get a bit desperate running between appointments and events and fun and work and schools and also, to be perfectly honest, I don’t really like to clean the inside of my car) and even though there was a place to sit and a place to put her feet and such she continually grabbed little bits of my things, gum wrappers and earrings and pictures and moved them to and fro though she was supposed to be giving me directions and she would say ok, now we are going to turn left right here and there was street and I would turn and she would say NO! that street there and she wasn’t laughing and after a few more times I wasn’t laughing either and she had this little map she clipped out of the newspaper where the circles marked bus stops and squares were buildings (there were a bunch more shapes and a few colors but none of this matters because, well, as we couldn’t read the map none of it mattered) and she said I think this is where we should park to catch the bus and my chest seized with the thought of being stuck in town without a way to leave and then I remembered that even with a car I was still stuck in town without a way to leave and then I thought about public transportation and germs and my chest tightened a little teensy bit more and then it was time to turn but not this turn the next one and I have this really funny thing where I mix words from the end of one sentence with another and my kids laugh and I cringe (i.e., I really mean to say put your napkin in your lap and finish your eating your food and I will instead say put your food in your lap and eat your napkin, funny right?) so when she says turn left and I do and she snaps not here! and I say oh turn right there? and she says no, I said turn left here! and really, it was by pure grace that we managed to get into town but the whole point of this story is that I stopped smiling and things became harder for no reason and I really wish there was a convenient way to remember to smile and not react, just smile, keep smiling, drive and smile because it will make everything easier.