I follow a lot of recovery blogs and a common post I see a lot is “I am bored”. Of course you are bored, if your best idea for a saturday afternoon was to drink and blackout, then you probably have no idea what it is normal people do.
The best piece of advice someone gave me happened when I had five months. This woman I was working with called me up and asked me how my day had went. I replied, “Oh, It was such a great day and I was so happy that I went to five meetings.” She said back to me, “Five meetings?!? That’s absurd, go out and get a life.”
At the time I had no idea what she meant but about one week later at the insistence of another person, I went on meetup.com and found a pottery class. And for 4 months, I took pottery and also learned how to watercolor. I found out a lot about myself during those 4 months. First, I DO NOT pay attention to detail AT ALL.
I am lazy and my attention span is way too short to sit in pottery class and glaze. I found that the instructors were often critical of my lack of symmetry and by the end of the course, I was done forever with pottery. BUT that pottery class caused me to accidentally stumble into a ballet class and it’s something I have been doing for a year. Ballet has changed my life.
My progress in ballet has become a mirror for my personal growth. Never having had dance training, I have had to learn how to be gentle with myself. Ballet has taught me that it’s about progress not perfection and that judging myself is almost detrimental to my personal growth.
I actually quit going to ballet for a month this summer because I got so upset with my progress. I literally quit and evaded phone calls from my kind and caring instructor because I couldn’t silence my inner critic. I couldn’t stop comparing myself to the other girls and I thought I was holding back the class with my lack of coordination. All silly and ridiculous. And now, 5 months later, I have finally learned how to laugh at myself when I can’t do a step perfectly or I land wrong on a spin. I have gotten to a point where I can fully immerse myself in the moment.
By learning how to do something I have never done before, I decided this summer that I wanted to actually try something I used to be really good at. This led me to Choir. Singing is my first love, it’s something I have discovered I am actually really good at. I LOVE CHOIR. I love the people, I love the songs, I love my church, I love the Director….etc. It’s been the best couple months of my life.
This is what normal people do- fill your time pursuing interests and finding things you love to do. Recovery involves a lot of getting to know yourself and the best way to do that is to try something new.
Make a list (big and small) of every single thing you have ever wanted to do. Search the internet, go to meetup.com, look up dance or culinary classes. Buy a copy of The Artists Way and start writing. Join a running club. Visit museums, see movies. Start to build a life for yourself and get away from the past. Don’t judge yourself, take baby steps.
I think that a lot of us sort of hold on to this idea that we are going to get to a point in our recovery where we can go back and do all the things we did before. I am here to tell you, that’s not an option. You have to build a new life with new interests and find out what it is you like to do. Do NOT GIVE YOURSELF THE OPTION OF GOING BACK. Move forward. It’s really fucking scary in the beginning.
Right now, I am looking for a running club and I am fucking scared out of my mind at the idea of having to make new friends. But I am going to get over it and do it because this is my life and that’s how I want to live it- with friends who have common interests.
Also, I live on a tight budget so I don’t spend a lot of money to do this. There are tons of free things out there, you have to know where to look.
And if you have trouble getting started, drop me a line, I have a few ideas.
Things I want to do in 2012:
-train for a half marathon
-take French (I spoke it fluently for 8 years)
-write more, possibly take a writing class
-audition for a solo in choir
-look into continuing ed.
-go on a yoga retreat
-take a chanting class
-find a running group
I could write this list forever.
